Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Lucia Growing up with two mothers made him "strange"

Robert Lopez grew up in a lesbian household, and rather than preparing him for life as an adult, he found that he just didn't fit in with anyone, even those who identify as gay.  He thinks it's because he didn't learn all the male/female social cues that everyone, even those of homosexual orientation, take for granted.  So, while he was a straight-A student, everyone found him bizarre.

Quite simply, growing up with gay parents was very difficult, and not because of prejudice from neighbors. People in our community didn’t really know what was going on in the house. To most outside observers, I was a well-raised, high-achieving child, finishing high school with straight A’s.

Inside, however, I was confused. When your home life is so drastically different from everyone around you, in a fundamental way striking at basic physical relations, you grow up weird. I have no mental health disorders or biological conditions. I just grew up in a house so unusual that I was destined to exist as a social outcast.

My peers learned all the unwritten rules of decorum and body language in their homes; they understood what was appropriate to say in certain settings and what wasn’t; they learned both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine social mechanisms.

Even if my peers’ parents were divorced, and many of them were, they still grew up seeing male and female social models. They learned, typically, how to be bold and unflinching from male figures and how to write thank-you cards and be sensitive from female figures. These are stereotypes, of course, but stereotypes come in handy when you inevitably leave the safety of your lesbian mom’s trailer and have to work and survive in a world where everybody thinks in stereotypical terms, even gays.

I had no male figure at all to follow, and my mother and her partner were both unlike traditional fathers or traditional mothers. As a result, I had very few recognizable social cues to offer potential male or female friends, since I was neither confident nor sensitive to others. Thus I befriended people rarely and alienated others easily. Gay people who grew up in straight parents’ households may have struggled with their sexual orientation; but when it came to the vast social universe of adaptations not dealing with sexuality—how to act, how to speak, how to behave—they had the advantage of learning at home. Many gays don’t realize what a blessing it was to be reared in a traditional home.

These are the stories that need to be told, what it's like for children growing up in same-sex households.  You won't get the full story when the children are young, because they are unable to speak freely.  It's only when they've grown up will we find out that same-sex parenting is not all it's cracked up to be.

Related link: Growing Up With Two Moms: The Untold Children’s View ~ The Witherspoon Institute

4 comment(s):

Justin said...

yep - for my cousin, growing up with an alcoholic mother made him a little odd too; my best mate at Uni - growing up with a father who beat him, made him prone to problems also; a work colleague talked of her father's rampant and blatant infedelity - sure made her feel strangely towards men. Who knows what your own children may one day say about you, or mine about me. Yawn, yawn, LM. No. Causal. Link.

Andrei said...

Illogical Justin - we all know that not all families are ideal but the way to address that is to try and develop cultural norms that draw ever more families towards meeting the ideal, not degrade the meaning of families to create more pathological ones.

Prioripete said...

Children are used as common means of gender struggles where blame imposes guilt driven tactics in the imprisonment of the targeted soul for control. Those are some of the weapons used in the psycho socialisation of sex equality.

While feminism, gay, and women use psycho violation of the soul, places in elsewhere use mob lynching, public persecutions, and cutting off limbs or imprisonment for the same violation. To me it's the same logic where emotional or psychological and physical violence breeds more violence.

But individuals and family members can free themselves by purifying the senses according to principles and freeing the conscience from psychological attachments (guilt) of gender struggles.

It's hard to believe that some religion apply the same tactics..

JJ said...

The children that are subjected to these deviant relationships will rise up and destroy them. They are sowing the seeds of their own destruction.

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