Successful Self-Defence can get you in nearly as much trouble as being stabbed to death by a homicidal maniac. But, if you understand Leftism, there is a way out of this:
Copper: Now then, what seems to be the trouble?
Singh: I was getting into my car but this socially disadvantaged man asked for some non-governmental financial assistance, which I was of course prepared to do.
Copper: And so you should. Then what happened?
Singh: He was so excited with my generosity, he smashed my window to get at my voluntary donation.
Copper: Totally understandable. Then what happened?
Singh: He also forgot he had a sharp knife in his hand, and proceeded to stab me, presumably accidentally, as he tried to give me a congratulatory embrace for my obvious recognition of the discomfort my middle class, job holding privileges had held this man back from getting a fair slice at life.
Copper: Obvious really. Then what happened?
Singh: I cried out in pain and surprise, but immediately explained that it was nothing less than I deserved, as my riches had been gained at the expense of this man's opportunity.
Copper: Very perceptive of you. Then what happened?
Singh: I tried to grab the knife to stab myself, to indicate to the poor man that he should not take his accidental stabbing me in my body at least 7 times as anything he should feel remorse over.
Copper: Good thinking. Then what happened?
Singh: It was no good. The man, tormented by the accidental GBH applied to my body, driven no doubt, by society's crushing of this man's noble spirit, rendered him truly sorry. He promptly stabbed himself to death.
Copper: The poor chap. Suicide, but society is really to blame.
Signh: So, will the State put me up on a medical benefit now that I am incapable of working?
Copper: What, with a few stab wounds?
Signh: No, not the physical wounds. The mental anguish I undoubtedly suffer witnessing this man's cruel treatment at the hands of a society unable to care properly for the lost, the abandoned and the forgotten.
Copper: Ah, good point. Yes, sign yourself up for the mental health allowance. We'll sort it mate, no worries on that score.
Singh: If you insist. It is only because I don't deserve this money, will I force myself to take it then.
Copper: You are a good sort Singh. We need a few more like you. Not these rugged individuals that would have simply stabbed this poor man to death had he not done it himself. By the way. Here's a ticket for a parking infringement. You've been here for 63 minutes, and it's a 60 minute parking zone.
Singh: With such an eye for detail officer, no doubt you'll make Detective any day now.
A shopkeeper [Singh] who heroically fought off an armed robber [Kilroe] could be charged with murder after the thief was fatally stabbed with his own knife as they tussled...Officers later found the shopkeeper in his car with stab wounds to his back and neck and the robber's dead body on the floor nearby. They immediately detained Mr Singh on suspicion of murder and questioned him for hours after he had been given hospital treatment. Police have revealed that Kilroe had a string of convictions...
Related link courtesy Crusader Rabbit: Being punished for defending himself
Copper: Now then, what seems to be the trouble?
Singh: I was getting into my car but this socially disadvantaged man asked for some non-governmental financial assistance, which I was of course prepared to do.
Copper: And so you should. Then what happened?
Singh: He was so excited with my generosity, he smashed my window to get at my voluntary donation.
Copper: Totally understandable. Then what happened?
Singh: He also forgot he had a sharp knife in his hand, and proceeded to stab me, presumably accidentally, as he tried to give me a congratulatory embrace for my obvious recognition of the discomfort my middle class, job holding privileges had held this man back from getting a fair slice at life.
Copper: Obvious really. Then what happened?
Singh: I cried out in pain and surprise, but immediately explained that it was nothing less than I deserved, as my riches had been gained at the expense of this man's opportunity.
Copper: Very perceptive of you. Then what happened?
Singh: I tried to grab the knife to stab myself, to indicate to the poor man that he should not take his accidental stabbing me in my body at least 7 times as anything he should feel remorse over.
Copper: Good thinking. Then what happened?
Singh: It was no good. The man, tormented by the accidental GBH applied to my body, driven no doubt, by society's crushing of this man's noble spirit, rendered him truly sorry. He promptly stabbed himself to death.
Copper: The poor chap. Suicide, but society is really to blame.
Signh: So, will the State put me up on a medical benefit now that I am incapable of working?
Copper: What, with a few stab wounds?
Signh: No, not the physical wounds. The mental anguish I undoubtedly suffer witnessing this man's cruel treatment at the hands of a society unable to care properly for the lost, the abandoned and the forgotten.
Copper: Ah, good point. Yes, sign yourself up for the mental health allowance. We'll sort it mate, no worries on that score.
Singh: If you insist. It is only because I don't deserve this money, will I force myself to take it then.
Copper: You are a good sort Singh. We need a few more like you. Not these rugged individuals that would have simply stabbed this poor man to death had he not done it himself. By the way. Here's a ticket for a parking infringement. You've been here for 63 minutes, and it's a 60 minute parking zone.
Singh: With such an eye for detail officer, no doubt you'll make Detective any day now.
A shopkeeper [Singh] who heroically fought off an armed robber [Kilroe] could be charged with murder after the thief was fatally stabbed with his own knife as they tussled...Officers later found the shopkeeper in his car with stab wounds to his back and neck and the robber's dead body on the floor nearby. They immediately detained Mr Singh on suspicion of murder and questioned him for hours after he had been given hospital treatment. Police have revealed that Kilroe had a string of convictions...
Related link courtesy Crusader Rabbit: Being punished for defending himself
Modern Britain.
ReplyDeleteCould there be such a thing as a Pythonesque tragedy?
Thanks for the link back Zen, madness isn't it. If it wasn't true it would be funny.
ReplyDeleteIt turns out that in the normal course of justice Singh is not facing murder charges.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, if two people have been in a fight and both end up injured there's nothing else the police can do except arrest both of them (or one in this case) because without enough evidence it has to go to court. What would you recommend would be a better way of doing things? Have the police dispense justice on the spot?
This is not the normal course of justice though.
ReplyDeleteMr Singh...was arrested on suspicion of murder but later released on bail pending further inquiries.
There was no need to arrest him and bail him. He was the victim. They probably had enough facts to establish a high degree of innocence before he even walked out of the hospital.
Do you routinely arrest the person in a car accident if a drunk driver rammed them, and the drunk driver died?
There have been several other cases where the person who defended themselves ended up in court, and then in jail. It's an outrage.
Today, Mr Singh was relieved to learn he would not face charges.
No doubt, he was sincerely relieved.