I hardly ever watch TV, but the Olympics drew me in. And I was ever so impressed to discover Westpac had something to do with the Olympics. They were the official bank who paid the most money of any bank to have the rights to say they were the official bank of the Olympics. Although, maybe that was only for Australia and New Zealand TV stations. Perhaps banks in other countries were busily being official sponsors of the Olympic Brand for their country.
No matter. I'm distracting myself from the obvious conclusion. So impressed was I that Westpac were advertising themselves as official sponsors I of course did what any viewer would be expected to do: I resolved to switch all my accounts to Westpac on the Monday.
But then disaster struck. National Bank rode in with a more powerful offer. According to their advert, whenever I had to think about money, a black horse would gallop past my Window, and possibly stomp bandits to death and scare away any tax collectors. That seemed like a better deal to me, so I resolved to change to National Bank first thing Monday.
But my resolution was premature. Kiwi Bank. First, imagine walking into a pub and ordering a glass of house red. Yep, I could do that. And then, as one hands over their debit/credit Kiwi Bank card, the waitress smiles knowingly, flashes her collar to reveal a Kiwi Bank logo and says "I'll get you the good stuff"
Getting the good stuff simply for paying by Kiwi Bank credit card seemed like a pretty powerful offer. It's like you are in a secret society, perhaps more powerful than Greenpeace and the Lions Club combined. But wait, as they say, there's more!
Cut away to a warehouse with Mr Pink and Mr Tarintino interrogating an attractive Mademoiselle tied to a chair. But although she's the one tied up, alone in a warehouse surrounded by homicidal maniacs, reservoir dogs and possibly off duty policemen turned bad, she seems to be the one in control. Could be her conditioner - possibly her toothpaste - I don't know. Whatever, she brazenly confesses that Kiwi Bank is taking the NZ banking industry by storm, and doing it by offering zero fees.
"What's the catch?" croaks Mr Pink - "No fees as long as you order a drink of house red at least once every three months" purrs the secret Bank Agent. Or spend some money on something else once a quarter I suppose. But it's already too late. Whether the agent lives or dies, I must change my accounts to Kiwi Bank on Monday.
And my story would have ended there, except that I saw one final bank advertisement late last night. It was a totally forgettable ANZ advertisement. If I can't remember it, it was probably pathetic. No Gold Medals. No killer bodyguard horse. No offers from the top shelf, whilst secret agents engaged in Pulp Fiction banter with psychotic gorillas, just the ANZ logo droning past my slipping consciousness. Except that I already bank with ANZ, and given their advert seemed so useless, on account of the fact I can't remember it, I feel sorry for them.
So I'm going to stick with the underdog.
Monday came, and my back accounts stayed where they were.
A million dollars in advertising, how many casualties?
No matter. I'm distracting myself from the obvious conclusion. So impressed was I that Westpac were advertising themselves as official sponsors I of course did what any viewer would be expected to do: I resolved to switch all my accounts to Westpac on the Monday.
But then disaster struck. National Bank rode in with a more powerful offer. According to their advert, whenever I had to think about money, a black horse would gallop past my Window, and possibly stomp bandits to death and scare away any tax collectors. That seemed like a better deal to me, so I resolved to change to National Bank first thing Monday.
But my resolution was premature. Kiwi Bank. First, imagine walking into a pub and ordering a glass of house red. Yep, I could do that. And then, as one hands over their debit/credit Kiwi Bank card, the waitress smiles knowingly, flashes her collar to reveal a Kiwi Bank logo and says "I'll get you the good stuff"
Getting the good stuff simply for paying by Kiwi Bank credit card seemed like a pretty powerful offer. It's like you are in a secret society, perhaps more powerful than Greenpeace and the Lions Club combined. But wait, as they say, there's more!
Cut away to a warehouse with Mr Pink and Mr Tarintino interrogating an attractive Mademoiselle tied to a chair. But although she's the one tied up, alone in a warehouse surrounded by homicidal maniacs, reservoir dogs and possibly off duty policemen turned bad, she seems to be the one in control. Could be her conditioner - possibly her toothpaste - I don't know. Whatever, she brazenly confesses that Kiwi Bank is taking the NZ banking industry by storm, and doing it by offering zero fees.
"What's the catch?" croaks Mr Pink - "No fees as long as you order a drink of house red at least once every three months" purrs the secret Bank Agent. Or spend some money on something else once a quarter I suppose. But it's already too late. Whether the agent lives or dies, I must change my accounts to Kiwi Bank on Monday.
And my story would have ended there, except that I saw one final bank advertisement late last night. It was a totally forgettable ANZ advertisement. If I can't remember it, it was probably pathetic. No Gold Medals. No killer bodyguard horse. No offers from the top shelf, whilst secret agents engaged in Pulp Fiction banter with psychotic gorillas, just the ANZ logo droning past my slipping consciousness. Except that I already bank with ANZ, and given their advert seemed so useless, on account of the fact I can't remember it, I feel sorry for them.
So I'm going to stick with the underdog.
Monday came, and my back accounts stayed where they were.
A million dollars in advertising, how many casualties?
I have had issues with ANZ in the past where it is now my life's mission (well, I think it's about priority 9 or so) to destroy them by convincing their customers to move to other banking providers.
ReplyDeleteNo takers so far, but I do find the services of that yellow one that's recommended by those funny New Yorkers to be excellent.
Did I also mention that as someone who has decided not to move you are now my mortal enemy (in a priority 9 sort of way...)?
Not moving for only this week Scrubone...
ReplyDeleteI'm actually getting pretty annoyed with ANZ Bank too, mainly for not having decent internet banking security, and secondly for not trying harder to sell me a mortgage that is better than my current outfit. Oh well, they miss out on lots of free money by not having my mortgage business.
I like the security offered by that bumblebee coloured bank being infiltrated by funny New Yorkers (can't remember the main guys name but the other one is called "Sir"). They use timed token generation in addition to the logon security, which is essential. PSIS do this too.
All the mainstream banks have been slow on the uptake for this service, which gets me mildly irate.
Although, another reason for staying with ANZ is that the Greens really hate them too. Decisions, decisions.
Actually, this post about the Greens and ANZ Bank was kinda funny, in a Fargo kinda way. [And no offense to Fargo, the place. I was thinking of a particular scene in Fargo, the movie. And speaking of Fargo, that was the destination that Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper and Buddy Holly never made back in 1959, the day the music died (and bing! yes, that song links to those singers, links to this place links to that movie links to the scene that made me think this was all kinda funny looking...]
ReplyDeleteI must say, I was momentarily impressed at to see that National Bank has a herd of black horses who could chase down and recover my credit card, should it be stolen, but on reflection I decided that while this method might be far more visually impressive than the measures of other banks, there were actually much more efficent ways of handling such events, and one should prefer a bank which prioritises efficiency in such matters.
ReplyDeleteNational has always had the best service in my experience, and when you talk to the teller you don't have any plastic wall or wires in between which is a nice touch. But I am concerned that now they have been bought by ANZ, the service may decline.
ReplyDeleteThis also meant they lost their connection to Lloyds of London - in the past if you were going on an OE they could give you a Lloyds account before you left, this is no more.
When we were in Ireland, Permanant TSB had exactly the same ads, black horse and all, just a different logo. So there must still be a connection to the UK / Irish banks.
As ANZ National bank continue their program of outsourcing to lower wage economies, the black horse will soon be repalced by an indian Elephant at 40% lower cost.
ReplyDeleteJust as an aside - if Kiwibank is so good why does the govt bank with Westpac?
ReplyDeleteZT - the current ANZ advertising theme is about helping start-up businesses like hairdressers. I agree, not very memorable.
ReplyDeleteAs for frustrations with ANZ...well the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence....
As for their internet banking security - no, don't change. I like it as it is without the token/fob/passcard code etc. What a hassle that would be. If hackers were breaking in left, right and centre, surely they would have changed it by now? Otherwise it just annoying to have those tokens, there to satisfy the paranoid ;-)
One whinge though - I do wish ANZ would email their bank statements. PDF in the inbox is so much easier than that archaic system known as 'post'. Plus it will save them a few bob in postage and handling let alone some street cred with the Greens for saving a few trees!