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Obama: Reign of Darkness Dawns

Congratulations to Obama, American's first black president. Truly, a great day for the cause of equality. However, it's just a step. Blacks can't say they are truly equal until a black President is as freely vilified as any corrupt white president. An impeachment would do the trick, not that I hope for one.

An assassination would be the worst possible thing to happen, not only from Obama's point of view, but for the cause of equality.

He would be made a martyr and America would feel obliged to elect a black women as President to compensate. Perhaps the first lady would step in, or perhaps Hillary Clinton with a tan, I don't know.

Even if some fundamentalist Muslim organisation, such as the New York Times, took the credit for the "Dallas 2009" event, it would still inspire too many counter-conspiracy theories. Besides, the New York Times doesn't make news, just misreports it.

For some, Obama's reign of evil has commenced. It started in Wellington - the last bastion of democracy was the first to fall. The reign of darkness commenced this morning just after dawn (when the sun comes up) with a city-wide power failure.

People trapped in lifts, lights out, toasters failing to burn bread and yet cold cereal was strangely unaffected. Eerily, McDonald's still had power. I saw people walking out with hash browns and Egg McMuffins. American corporate hegemony exempt even from the requirements of local electricity.

Some may disagree that Wellington represents the last bastion of democracy, and perhaps Obama's reign of terror has merely commenced in time zone order. It's a viable theory, but obviously some evil is at play. First our Prime Minister breaks his arm, then the lights go out. Don't let in any immigrants from Haiti.

Speaking of immigrants, this could have been triggered by New Zealand's own landmark attempt at undoing the equal rights movement. First one Turkish cafe throws out an Israeli and her sister somewhere in the Gaza strip of Invercargill, and then another cafe further north (the Antarctica I think) shows solidarity and puts up a "No Jews and Dogs Served Here" sign.

Perhaps this is just misplaced bigotry, rather than pure bigotry, although I think it just reveals a degree of stupidity that give Turkish cafe owners a bad name. I don't blame Invercargill. After all, the world's fastest Native American came from there.

Anyway, why bother throwing Jews out and risk having blood mixed with red paint smeared on your "Welcome, Open For Business" sign?

Instead, just display a sign saying "We support Palestine", or better yet, "$2 of every sale goes to fund Hamas". Not only an egalitarian way of putting off those almost directly responsible (the sister) for shelling the Gaza strip, but you also get to fund major earth works and tunnels; the mark of a great humanitarian.

Remember though that Hamas has killed nearly as many Palestinians as Israel has managed. And remember the billions of dollars of aid poured into Palestine? Arafat died a billionaire. See the connection? If you are a lefty, bet you never saw that coming. I know - even after this was pointed out, donations went up.

Now that Arafat is dead, many people are getting "next of kin" letters to distribute these frozen funds. Just send them your bank details and get a refund. A friend of a friend said Phil Goff is trying it - it's part of his 100 day plan to prove Labour could recover from the world wide recession and the self-inflicted damage over the last 9 years. That man has potential - long may he remain opposition leader.

Still, after all this fuss about cafe owners banning Jews, you have to admit it worked. A day later, and Israel has called a ceasefire. Don't underestimate the political pulling power of people denied coffee.

Sitting here in Wellington with the lights out and the electric kettle cold, I think I can pinpoint exactly where civilisation begins and ends. The humble coffee machine.

Although, with power recently restored, it looks like the reign of darkness could be postponed until night time. A much more sensible time to start a reign of darkness, if you ask me.

The lights went out on Obama's inauguration. It may just be a coincidence. Time will tell. Until then, congratulations America for your first black President outside of a TV series. Life can imitate art. Modern art.

--ZenTiger.

Comments

  1. Aw. When I first saw the title of this post in google reader I thought it'd be a Lucyna classic.

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  2. You need the paid subscription to premium content for that.

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  3. And a brain to process it.

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  4. Bit of a mixed metaphor there, ZT. Reign of Darkness Dawns??

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  5. Absolutely. There was one other joke in the post too. Did you find it?

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  6. Sorry, my mistake. The joke was the commenter above...

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  7. Condileeeza Rice needs to appear on Oprah and say she's a lesbian and add she's joining the Democrats.
    The media would love her.
    Rice would be unbeatable with such a trifecta!

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  8. Rice would be a great President. Maybe she should run as veep next election as a warm up?

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  9. Rice has become little more than just another State Dept. apparatchik. And State is stuffed with leftards and Saudi puppets.

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