Wednesday, February 4, 2009

ZenTiger Boy Racers

Mr and Mrs Smith returned home after a weekend away to find their house crushed. Previously, a charming three bedroom and study bungalow with carport, it has become a 3 metre by 4 metre compressed block.

"Frankly, we are stunned" said Andrew Smith. We had no idea our teenage son had organised a party in our absence. Apparently things got out of hand, the police were called and made the decision to crush the house. The thing is, without a house, we can't even ground him."

Neighbours were quick to confirm the party was totally out of control. Old Mrs Beezle from number 66 talked of how wild parties had been going on for years, with nothing being done about it. "For the last 15 years or so, always, around the end of January two balloons were hung out on the letter box, and you just knew it was going to be a noisy night."

"And you can't believe the parents didn't know what their kids were up to, they used to organise these parties. It was their house they were using, you can't tell me the keys were somewhere safe - I bet they were left lying around on purpose."

Mr and Mrs Smith are the first parents to experience the government's tough new laws to curb wild parties. Civil Rights groups have cautiously welcomed the law, explaining that police have been helpless for years to enforce noise control, parking violations, broken glass and the odd punch up that so often accompanies such events.

"House crushing sends a message that other law infringements will not be taken lightly, even if we ourselves take them lightly. Until now, there has been no effective way to deal with assaults, speeding, loud music and dangerous driving."

Following the crushing Police were investigating number 42 on the same street. Whilst there was no party going on at the time, it was likely the house was being used as "a party house".

Explained Constable Broad: "A very nice deck extension has been added at some time, with a large BBQ grill and spit in a bricked enclave at the end of the garden. Ranch sliders open the lounge to provide good indoor-outdoor flow, and the presence of a high quality 8 speaker sound system makes it clear that this house is being used for more than just sleeping and preparing food."

"We'll be keeping an eye on this one" he added reassuringly.

The anti-party brigade who have campaigned long and vigorously for these draconian changes have planned a celebration tonight at some-one else's home.

Be there or be square.

Related Link: Crush Cars and Make Them Watch

5 comment(s):

macdoctor said...

Woke up feeling zany this morning, did we, Zen?
Loved the North Korean one too.

Anonymous said...

If I had my way I would solve the boy racer and tagger problem with one solution:

Superglue their hands to either the paint cans or steering wheel, slap them on the back and say, enjoy it while it lasts.

You might think I'm joking....

Ciaron said...

the phantom has the right idea... he does however need to verify his target.

KG said...

Perhaps he's been taking lessons from the AOS, Leonidas?

Ciaron said...

well, all I can say is when I get my stonking great big gt40, (which WONT be driven around suburbia at night) if some smart arse is going to squirt gap filler up its exhaust, they better not let me find them or I will definitely reciprocate!.

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