I'm proud to announce that NZ Conservative has purchased the country of Greece today, for an undisclosed sum (actually, it was NZ$11.50).
I'm not quite sure what we will do with the country now that it is ours, but I had the cash and thought "why not"?
The first order of the day was to get Greece out of debt. This was easily accomplished by suing the EU for collective use of Pythagoras' theorem without royalty. The EU hadn't realised it, but they had created such convoluted copyright laws they walked right into it.
"By what logic do you demand these payments" thundered The President of the European Commission, José Manuel Barroso. Which was an unfortunate question, as that reminded me to sue for use of Aristotelian Logic.
That logic seems sadly lacking in Greece itself. Politically, it's been in the control of a Socialist dynasty extending back to 1980 when a massive welfare state was erected by the current Prime Minister Papandreou's father. One out of three people are employed by the government, leaving very few people to actually generate wealth.
So I need to apply some tough new measures to help my new country to get out of trouble. Firstly, we'll resign from the EU and watch it implode trying to pay out on the royalty payments. (Well, it was going to implode anyway sorting out the Greek deficit.)
Secondly, I'm banning paper. Paper is the tool of the bureaucracy. It's the first step to reducing pointless interference from the government. Our carbon credits from this one move will suck $1 billion from all of the countries who have implemented a partial ETS. Thanks New Zealand.
Third, I'm firing 90% of the government workers, but I'm instituting a minimum hourly wage of 10 euros for anyone involved in protest marching. This means all government workers can either get a real job, or work hard protesting. This reduces the government debt massively, as I was paying much higher wages to policy analysts, administrators and bureaucrats. It also keeps the journalists flowing into the country to view the protest marches, keeping our tourist industry alive.
Fourth, we will be exporting protest marchers as a commodity item. This is as untapped market with great potential.
Protests world wide will benefit from the Greek experience, and I can see a range of opportunities arising where protesting will be increasingly popular.
Perhaps I'm not being clear enough? I should have used the term "counter protest".
John Key has already ordered a counter protest march to increase mining activity in reserve land, and I've got an order for 51,000 protesters. He's also put in an order for 1 million 600 thousand counter protesters, to be delivered closer to the next election asking not only to ban smacking, but to ban time out and guarantee 3 hours of TV for children every day as part of good parental care.
BP has ordered 120,000 Greek Protesters to walk up and down Louisiana's southwestern coastline to demand more oil is released into the ocean to reduce those pesky seagulls that try to steal hot chips when you're down at the beach having a picnic.
It's all looking quite good for Greece. And I'm very pleased with my acquisition. Naturally, NZ Conservative will soon have a daily Greek Translation Edition, and we'll have to work out our logo so we can update the Greek flag.
I'm not quite sure what we will do with the country now that it is ours, but I had the cash and thought "why not"?
The first order of the day was to get Greece out of debt. This was easily accomplished by suing the EU for collective use of Pythagoras' theorem without royalty. The EU hadn't realised it, but they had created such convoluted copyright laws they walked right into it.
"By what logic do you demand these payments" thundered The President of the European Commission, José Manuel Barroso. Which was an unfortunate question, as that reminded me to sue for use of Aristotelian Logic.
That logic seems sadly lacking in Greece itself. Politically, it's been in the control of a Socialist dynasty extending back to 1980 when a massive welfare state was erected by the current Prime Minister Papandreou's father. One out of three people are employed by the government, leaving very few people to actually generate wealth.
So I need to apply some tough new measures to help my new country to get out of trouble. Firstly, we'll resign from the EU and watch it implode trying to pay out on the royalty payments. (Well, it was going to implode anyway sorting out the Greek deficit.)
Secondly, I'm banning paper. Paper is the tool of the bureaucracy. It's the first step to reducing pointless interference from the government. Our carbon credits from this one move will suck $1 billion from all of the countries who have implemented a partial ETS. Thanks New Zealand.
Third, I'm firing 90% of the government workers, but I'm instituting a minimum hourly wage of 10 euros for anyone involved in protest marching. This means all government workers can either get a real job, or work hard protesting. This reduces the government debt massively, as I was paying much higher wages to policy analysts, administrators and bureaucrats. It also keeps the journalists flowing into the country to view the protest marches, keeping our tourist industry alive.
Fourth, we will be exporting protest marchers as a commodity item. This is as untapped market with great potential.
Protests world wide will benefit from the Greek experience, and I can see a range of opportunities arising where protesting will be increasingly popular.
Perhaps I'm not being clear enough? I should have used the term "counter protest".
John Key has already ordered a counter protest march to increase mining activity in reserve land, and I've got an order for 51,000 protesters. He's also put in an order for 1 million 600 thousand counter protesters, to be delivered closer to the next election asking not only to ban smacking, but to ban time out and guarantee 3 hours of TV for children every day as part of good parental care.
BP has ordered 120,000 Greek Protesters to walk up and down Louisiana's southwestern coastline to demand more oil is released into the ocean to reduce those pesky seagulls that try to steal hot chips when you're down at the beach having a picnic.
It's all looking quite good for Greece. And I'm very pleased with my acquisition. Naturally, NZ Conservative will soon have a daily Greek Translation Edition, and we'll have to work out our logo so we can update the Greek flag.
Sounds like a plan so cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel...
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for 'Greace--the Musical' to be released.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your successful purchase. All in all, upon reviewing the wide range of commercial opportunities presented, I can see the potential intrinsic value. Zen, you are begining to manifest Cullenesque stature--which prompts me to inquire whether your new purchase might have any use for a clapped out train set. It too will come with ETS credits, I understand--about six fifty big ones.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteNice one Zen, the way it's going, you might be able to buy Britain pretty soon to.