Tuesday, March 25, 2008

ZenTiger Naked News [Satire]

Proposals to introduce naked women presenting the six o'clock news on ALT TV has met with condemnation from the promoter of the Boobs on Bikes Parade, Steve Crow, who said:

"We rely on the shock value to ensure our Erotica Show gets as much free publicity as possible. Moves to have naked women presenting the news is going to come like a cold shower, and rain on our parade. I mean, can you imagine a naked women presenting the news showing pictures from the Boobs parade? Do you think anyone is actually going to notice? They'll still be staring at the news presenter. It's highly likely Aucklanders will fail to rise to the occasion, and will no longer remain faithful to the Boobs Parade. We risk losing a cultural icon of long standing tradition."

The Boobs on Bikes group were not the only group to show stiff resistance. John Campbell, who will be hosting an exclusive 2 hour special presentation called "The Casting of Naked News" raised the issue utmost in the minds of the media: "Do you think NZ journalism will ever be taken seriously again?" and the answer seems to have been a resounding "was it ever taken seriously?"

TVNZ has responded by advising that all of their presenters are, and always have been, presenting the news naked from the waist down.

In related news, the Costume and Wardrobe Union went on strike today in protest, and ACC issued advance notice that Repetitive Injury Syndrome claims (wrist location) will force premiums to rise by 30%.

Secularists are waiting with glee to see the predictable responses from religious groups and Family First, who will no doubt harp on about how this simply treats women as sexual objects, is demeaning and ultimately reflects a society that is crumbling from within. These concerns are likely to be met with a well reasoned "Show us yer tits".

Already polls indicate that up to 50% of the nation will be watching the show nightly, and another 30% watching at least once a week. Which covers 80% of the male population, a couple of lesbians and Graham Capill. Feminist Groups were up in arms, demanding that naked men were also shown on TV for balance. Then they had second thoughts, and decided animated bars of chocolate would actually be far more attractive.

The Minister for Ethnic Affairs has commented that, with all programming, a suitable ethnic representation must be made. Accordingly, the show organisers are committed to ensuring the presenters are at least 30% Maori, 15% Pacific Islands, 10% Asian and 45% silicon.

The Social Liberal Action Group (SLAG) pointed out that one hour a day of gratuitous nudity on TV was hardly cause for celebration. They would not rest until the entire channel was broadcasting naked women 24 hours a day. When advised that there already were such channels, they were called "adult channels" they went cross eyed and immediately asked for a change of underwear.

With all this "social advancement", the only strange thing is that breastfeeding in public will still be seen as offensive by the same people.

Related Link: Six O'clock Nudes

See Also: The History of the original Naked News

Direct link: to a random Porn Site for those just pretending to read this for the article

7 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

...'a cultural icon of longstanding tradition'?

Whatever Mr Crow means by this garbled statement, if I understand him correctly, he's wrong on both counts.


ZenTiger said...

OK, I may have made that bit up. And once again, the "satire" tag gets me off the hook....but can't you see Boobs on Bikes being held up as a cultural icon? It just works, doesn't it?


I bet the mainstream channels are preparing for it too.
Whay else are the presenters getting younger?

Greg said...

naked news is SO web 1.0

MathewK said...

LOL you are a madman Zen..

Anonymous said...

Zen Tiger

No, sorry, I can't see Boobs on Bikes being held up as a cultural icon.

I can't see them being held up by anything at all. That's the whole point, isn't it?


Anonymous said...

I wonder if the feminists ever anticipated that their efforts to liberate their breasts would simply fuel the urges of silly young women to flaunt themselves and reinforce a dehumanized culture of lust.

Thanks to the syphilitic Labour party for making prostitution mainstream! Now it's cool to be a whore.

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