Saturday, July 25, 2009

ZenTiger Burglarly Tip #45

If you engage in a bit of break and entering, being noticed by the neighbour is an occupational hazard. Sometimes, they call the police to advise a suspicious character they cannot recognise is attempting to gain unlawful entry.

No worries. This is where Burglary Tip #45 comes in handy.

When the police arrive and ask to see your identification, start by refusing outright. Before they gather their thoughts, swear and cuss at them and claim this is racial profiling. Raise your voice. Threaten them with lawsuits. Perhaps convince them of your sanity by suggesting your mate the President will send the CIA around and whup their asses.

Importantly, tell them they are obviously stupid to accept the word of a neighbour, who is probably a bigoted white trash redneck scumbag. Doesn't matter if their name is Miguel. They are the worst.

The police will be forced to realise that a burglar would never attempt to pretend to be the rightful resident of a house, and quickly retreat, leaving you to clean the place out at leisure.

Note: This tactic only works if you are a person of colour. We recommend burglars looking European hit themselves on the head with a nearby lamp stand, and lie on the ground moaning "I was attacked in my own home by some-one. I think he said his name was Leroy or Obama or something, as in "The law ain't taking Leroy Obama, no sir"


No related link this time. I can't think what this story might apply to.

5 comment(s):

Francisco Castelo Branco said...

IF a person enter in the neighbour house is considered robber?

only that?

Leonidas said...

If you enter my house in the dead of night, I reserve the right to blow your head off.

KG said...

:-) Same here.

ZenTiger said...

No problem for me, I don't enter people's houses in the dead of night :-)

On the basis the occasional burglar reads this blog, I have to endorse your right of self defence and protection of property and loved ones to convince the burglar that it's a dangerous world out there in the dead of the night. Ideally, we need to make it more dangerous for them than us, especially on our home turf.

Mind you, going off topic for a moment and talking about my post, I was of course referring to the other story in the papers about the mad professor attempting reverse racism.

MK said...

In this upside down pc-world the left have brought us, that tip actually works. But like you said Zen, don't bother trying it if you're white because the pc-crowd don't give a shit about whites, it's only everyone else who are always the victims of racism.

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