Wellington Hospital and the Ministry of Health started an experiment 9 years ago that is reportedly nearing fruition. They were short a linear accelerator used in cancer treatments. With waiting lists exceeded and people dropping like flies, they decided to invent a "Make A Decision Machine".
The Make A Decision Machine is powered by the chemical element Administratium. It has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 10 assistant neutrons, 20 vice neutrons and 34 consulting neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 64. These 64 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
After 9 years, the Make A Decision Machine has finally yielded one decision by the DHB: "We should buy a linear accelerator."
The DHB has graciously offered the machine to Health Minister David Cunliffe. He said he expected to receive the machine next week and would therefore make a decision soon.
The next step for the DHB and Ministry is to invent an "Action Machine" which will, after the decision has been ratified, allow the DHB to actually purchase, install and operate the linear accelerator.
Scientists are already investigating the element said to be the power source for an Action Machine.
"It's early days yet, but we think we have discovered an element called Electionarium. Electionarium is something that fires off many promise-particles in a three year cycle. We have found some unused Election Pledge Cards that may prove to be a plentiful source of Electionarium and enable us to convert the promise-particles to action.
However, the side effects look extremely toxic. People exposed to Electionarium 3 years ago are showing signs of a new form of radiation sickness, tentatively called taxation poisoning.
It seems that whenever Electionarium is used, the incidence of taxation poisoning has increased. The government however, has stockpiled an antidote called "surplus". Scientists and Labour Party Strategists are predicting that if some of the surplus was released at the same time people were exposed to Electionarium, then any negative side effects may well be neutralised.
Although the Ministry of Health was 100% behind the use of Electionarium, scientist William DeBuvitz cautioned: "The cure may be worse than the disease. Use Electionarium at your own risk."
Thanks to William DeBuvitz for the discovery of Administratium. [Link fixed 11:54PM]
The background to this post is here: It still hasn't happened.
The Make A Decision Machine is powered by the chemical element Administratium. It has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 10 assistant neutrons, 20 vice neutrons and 34 consulting neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 64. These 64 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
After 9 years, the Make A Decision Machine has finally yielded one decision by the DHB: "We should buy a linear accelerator."
The DHB has graciously offered the machine to Health Minister David Cunliffe. He said he expected to receive the machine next week and would therefore make a decision soon.
The next step for the DHB and Ministry is to invent an "Action Machine" which will, after the decision has been ratified, allow the DHB to actually purchase, install and operate the linear accelerator.
Scientists are already investigating the element said to be the power source for an Action Machine.
"It's early days yet, but we think we have discovered an element called Electionarium. Electionarium is something that fires off many promise-particles in a three year cycle. We have found some unused Election Pledge Cards that may prove to be a plentiful source of Electionarium and enable us to convert the promise-particles to action.
However, the side effects look extremely toxic. People exposed to Electionarium 3 years ago are showing signs of a new form of radiation sickness, tentatively called taxation poisoning.
It seems that whenever Electionarium is used, the incidence of taxation poisoning has increased. The government however, has stockpiled an antidote called "surplus". Scientists and Labour Party Strategists are predicting that if some of the surplus was released at the same time people were exposed to Electionarium, then any negative side effects may well be neutralised.
Although the Ministry of Health was 100% behind the use of Electionarium, scientist William DeBuvitz cautioned: "The cure may be worse than the disease. Use Electionarium at your own risk."
Thanks to William DeBuvitz for the discovery of Administratium. [Link fixed 11:54PM]
The background to this post is here: It still hasn't happened.
Excellent post Zen.
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