John Tertullian and Contra Celsum have outdone themselves with a superb piece of writing on the future massacre of trees once the restrictions to cut them down are removed.
Apparently there are caverns and bat caves beneath the civilised streets where lurk a feral breed of people. They are poisoned by a hatred of trees. They each have a chainsaw--which is the initiation requirement to be part of this community of primordial slime. Every now and then one of these hideous miscreants will start his murderous machine up, and the caverns will be rocked with the raucous sound of his instrument of death, while his comrades lick their lips and sway ghoulishly in the half-light.
There is excitement in the caves--not seen for years. Word has been received that the ignorant and cruel government is about to remove from local councils--those noble institutions which keep at bay the dark forces of a long banished past--the power to decree vast swathes of territory as "tree protection zones." Like orcs bred in the caverns of Isengard, the tree killers are poised to swarm up and out, ravaging the countryside with their axes and chainsaws, wreaking their savagery upon innocent trees.
Yes, I too am waiting with my own large saw-toothed pruning knife, waiting for the day when I can chop down every single tree in my backyard, making it a flat, grassy paradise ....
Bahahahahaha!!!!!
Read it all: The Roar of Chainsaws - An Apocalyptic Nightmare ~ Contra Celsum