In the tradition of Sir Edmund Hillary, John Key has battled to the very peak of the Job Summit Molehill, towering several metres above ground level. He then tumbled down the other side, being the slippery slope of socialism. You could break a limb from that height, but John has already demonstrated he's prepared to give an arm or a leg for a good idea, so we may as well amputate all his limbs now and call him Bob, such were the great ideas the job summit produced.
For example, creating a bicycle track has captured the imaginations of many New Zealanders. And for only 50 million dollars. That's just ironic on so many levels. Where do I start?
The government is supposed to be working out ways to spend money (a problem its never had in the past) so it comes up with a low budget infrastructure deal. I'm suspicious though. They can't even build 20km of motorway for under 1.5 billion dollars in Wellington, so how can they build a 3000km bike track for a few bucks?
Did the 50 million include the new department they would need to establish? If it's anything like any other roading project, expect to see a 10 year consultancy phase with endless arguing from various councils about the rates they need to put up to pay for all this.
Is it the single lane, unpaved version? I can see John Key now: "Oh, you meant a paved bike track? For Bicycles? Damn, there goes my donations from the motorcross lobby."
At a time when we a crying out for safe bike tracks for people to get to and from work, we think a bike track out in the wilderness will help pump up tourism and save the economy? Maybe the cab fares to and from the airport, the airport departure tax and the wet weather gear stores that spring up along the track will push the project into surplus?
But why stop at a bike track? For about $3,000 we could probably install swimming lanes across the Cook Strait and under the Auckland Harbour Bridge.
How popular do you think a National bike track will be? We've already got walking tracks all through our National forests, and they aren't that busy. Sure, we kill a few tourists every year, but that's mostly because they get lost in the wilderness. They leave the track. Maybe we need to attach the bikes to the track like trolley buses. It will keep them on the right path, and we can even power a little pedal motor to help with the hills. (Note to foreigners: "Hills" is a quaint NZ colloquialism for "mountains")
You could then stick a per km charge on the track and make sure those visiting European cyclists pay off our national debt. We could make more money by holding a tour de France. But with a different name so we don't need to pay royalties. That goes for the champagne we pop on the podium too. Not allowed to call it Champagne are we?
The Bike Track wasn't the only idea coming out of the Job Summit. Sadly, it was the best idea. Nothing radical to debate. Nothing contentious to consider. Just middle of the road ideas that wont get us out of first gear.
The Job Summit is over, and it proved to be a molehill. The thing about riding to the top of a molehill is that there is little cruising speed coming down the other side. If we were planning to move mountains, I didn't see it.
With rising unemployment figures a foregone conclusion, I can see that the bike track idea will at least produce a suitable slogan for coming job losses:
"On yer bike, matey".
Previous NZC Post: Job Summit
For example, creating a bicycle track has captured the imaginations of many New Zealanders. And for only 50 million dollars. That's just ironic on so many levels. Where do I start?
The government is supposed to be working out ways to spend money (a problem its never had in the past) so it comes up with a low budget infrastructure deal. I'm suspicious though. They can't even build 20km of motorway for under 1.5 billion dollars in Wellington, so how can they build a 3000km bike track for a few bucks?
Did the 50 million include the new department they would need to establish? If it's anything like any other roading project, expect to see a 10 year consultancy phase with endless arguing from various councils about the rates they need to put up to pay for all this.
Is it the single lane, unpaved version? I can see John Key now: "Oh, you meant a paved bike track? For Bicycles? Damn, there goes my donations from the motorcross lobby."
At a time when we a crying out for safe bike tracks for people to get to and from work, we think a bike track out in the wilderness will help pump up tourism and save the economy? Maybe the cab fares to and from the airport, the airport departure tax and the wet weather gear stores that spring up along the track will push the project into surplus?
But why stop at a bike track? For about $3,000 we could probably install swimming lanes across the Cook Strait and under the Auckland Harbour Bridge.
How popular do you think a National bike track will be? We've already got walking tracks all through our National forests, and they aren't that busy. Sure, we kill a few tourists every year, but that's mostly because they get lost in the wilderness. They leave the track. Maybe we need to attach the bikes to the track like trolley buses. It will keep them on the right path, and we can even power a little pedal motor to help with the hills. (Note to foreigners: "Hills" is a quaint NZ colloquialism for "mountains")
You could then stick a per km charge on the track and make sure those visiting European cyclists pay off our national debt. We could make more money by holding a tour de France. But with a different name so we don't need to pay royalties. That goes for the champagne we pop on the podium too. Not allowed to call it Champagne are we?
The Bike Track wasn't the only idea coming out of the Job Summit. Sadly, it was the best idea. Nothing radical to debate. Nothing contentious to consider. Just middle of the road ideas that wont get us out of first gear.
The Job Summit is over, and it proved to be a molehill. The thing about riding to the top of a molehill is that there is little cruising speed coming down the other side. If we were planning to move mountains, I didn't see it.
With rising unemployment figures a foregone conclusion, I can see that the bike track idea will at least produce a suitable slogan for coming job losses:
"On yer bike, matey".
Previous NZC Post: Job Summit