Thursday, October 8, 2009

ZenTiger Key vs Clark - The Race

There's some rather weak comparisons being made between reports of John Key's motorcade speeding through Samoa, and the infamous incident of Helen Clark speeding up to Christchurch to make a flight to get to the rugby in Wellington.

Very weak comparisons, so I thought I'd set the record straight, by comparing 8 key factors in the events, scoring a point against Clark and/or Key against each question to arrive at an "Outrage Index" score. The higher the final score, the more we can be justifiably outraged at either incident. But first, to get you into the mood for the Race, listen to this:

1. Helen Clark's car was traveling at a top speed of 170kph, whereas John Key achieved a top speed of only 120kph. That's a significantly slower speed, and ranked as "almost legal" whereas Helen's speed is clearly moving towards "World's Fastest Indian" level and immediate loss of license. Score Helen 1 outrage point, John 0

2. One car was speeding in a third world country, on a mere two lane highway, with livestock and children potentially on the side of the road, and the other was in Samoa. OK, we'll score that as one outrage point each.

3. Helen was speeding to get to the rugby. John Key was escaping a towering tsunami of water several metres high and his life was in danger. Hang-on, they were actually rushing him over to have a shower before heading out to the devastation zone. We'll score that as one outrage point each as well.

4. Helen was speeding in New Zealand, and is arguably beholden to NZ law, and yet she ignored it. John Key was in a motorcade under the control of the Samoan police, in Samoa. John Key was probably thinking "if this was my country I'd tell them to keep to the limit, by oath." 1 outrage point to Helen, and John get's away with the "When in Rome defense" (Note: You cannot use this defense as a North Islander visiting the South Island, because they are civilised there. However, it can work for any Kiwi visiting Auckland)

5. Helen, after almost breaking the sound barrier and traveling at a speed that would give any self-respecting boy racer fluffy dice, claimed not to notice anything untoward. She was apparently engrossed in the gripping novel 'Pinocchio'. On the other hand, John Key noticed going over 80 kph and so did his staff who asked the Police to slow down. 1 outrage point to Helen and 0 to John.

6. John Key wanted to attend an international disaster, whereas Helen wanted to get back in time to see the All Blacks play the Wallabies.... Now, before you go asserting that the All Blacks playing does constitute an international disaster, we need to put this in the context of 2004 when they were on form, so it's one outrage point for Helen even thinking the game could have gone like that. (Yes, we won 16-7)

7. Helen Clark admitted that she actually had no particular interest in rugby and had only gone to the July 17 Test in her capacity as the country's Prime Minister. John Key was also in Samoa as Prime Minister. That too could score nil all, but using the excuse "I don't actually give a toss about who keeps the Bledisloe Cup" is tantamount to treason in a Prime Minister, so it's one point to Helen again.

8. The fact that Chris Carter turned up in Samoa to survey the damage in his capacity as member of the opposition could also count against Helen in this contest, but I shall believe Phill Goff's hasty press release advising that Chris Carter had only turned up there due to be mistaken for a battered old leather suitcase destined for Tokyo, and had been claimed by the Labour Party as lost luggage. Regarding the rugby - I do not recall any National opposition members using their awesome power and authority during after match celebrations to beg for autographs, so zero for John there.

So the final score on the outrage meter is 7 out of 8 for Helen and only 2 out of 8 for John Key.

I trust the issue is now settled.

9 comment(s):

Lee C said...

John Key fronted up and said it was no big deal. Helen threw her staff to the wolves.

ZenTiger said...

And the outrage index climbs ever higher...

Psycho Milt said...

John Key fronted up and said it was no big deal. Helen threw her staff to the wolves.

I'm confused. If Clark had fronted up and said it was no big deal that would have been considered a good thing? Even my limited acquaintance with the right-wing blogosphere suggests otherwise.

ZenTiger said...

PM, you are not reading my posts properly :-)

No need for confusion. If Clark had fronted up and said no big deal, it would have been a better thing than pretending to have read a book and not notice going at speeds of up to 170kph.

Would it still be bad? Yes, but not to as many people, and not necessarily the same degree of outrage.

That is why I have provided an outrage meter, so that the left-wing blogosphere can understand that hypocrisy is not the *only* crime to be found guilty of, and that graduations apply to various issues ...

Ozy Mandias said...

Zen Tiger I am usually a fan of your posts but have to go against you on this one!! I have written a reply and tried to link it through so hopefully it works.

ZenTiger said...

Good reply, and I take exception to only one point you raise in the post.

But being a bloke, I don't actually care.

Ozy Mandias said...

Sorry about that Zen Tiger. No harm intended. When I was writing I had a thought that I wasn't really 100% certain of your sex. Now I know you are a man I can abuse you more and realise you wont take it to heart.

ZenTiger said...

Too right.

(Although men have feelings too. Indeed, right now I feel like a beer.)

Anonymous said...

"Indeed, right now I feel like a beer." Hmmmm, that must be awkward - how do you get out of the can, given the tab is on the outside?

For the record, I apply soccer scoring to the Key-Clark speedergate saga, and award them a thrilling nil-all draw. No penalty shootouts (it ruins the asphalt).

Post a Comment

Please be respectful. Foul language and personal attacks may get your comment deleted without warning. Contact us if your comment doesn't appear - the spam filter may have grabbed it.