ZEN: NZ Conservative has scored an interview with David Parker, Energy Minister, to discuss the current electricity crisis. David, thanks for joining us. Can you tell me, are we in crisis?
[SATIRE]
DAVID: Good morning. O-si-yo.
ZEN: O-si-yo?
DAVID: Yes, that's hello in Cherokee.
ZEN: Oh, good. Hello. Nice feather hat by the way. I didn't see it at first, we've had to turn the lights down.
DAVID: Thanks. Haaahe. That's hello in Cheyenne.
ZEN: Well, that's all very interesting, but do we have an energy crisis?
DAVID: Absolutely not. There is no reason whatsoever to worry. Can you turn the heater on, by the way? It's a little cold.
ZEN: Sure. Anyway, Tiwai Smelter have cut production in May by 5% and then last week by 10% to save 66 megawatts. Surely, they see a problem looming?
DAVID: Well, they are merely being precautionary. I've meet with them and disclosed the governments full plans to ensure adequate power. I can only presume they were not convinced, but you'd have to ask them.
ZEN: And what are the governments plans? Looking at the last nine years, we've seen an abysmal failure to invest in infrastructure. You've banned gas powered base stations, stopped hydro projects, we've got coal base stations off-line, major breakdowns and no rain. So what are the plans?
DAVID: Have you heard of silver nitrate and silver iodides?
ZEN: Cloud seeding with toxic chemicals then?
DAVID: Not that toxic. Not if we use a little bit.
ZEN: A little?
DAVID: 50,000 tonnes perhaps.
ZEN: That sounds like a lot.
DAVID: Well, a little bit at a time.
ZEN: And that's the plan?
DAVID: You could try praying. Pray for rain. We were thinking of an advertising campaign "Pray for rain" using the leaders fund. Being an election year though, money for non-election purposes is going to be a bit tight. We might get DOC to fund it.
ZEN: How about a picture of Helen on it? And "Pray for Reign", as in "her majesty". Two for one deal on that. Might not be seen as election advertising either. Monarchs aren't elected.
DAVID: Yes, not a bad idea. I'll run that past Mike Williams and see if it will fly.
ZEN: And that's the sum of your ideas then?
DAVID: Of course not. We have a backup plan. The one I outlined to Tiwai. Not that there is any need for a backup plan. Is that heater on full?
ZEN: Just one bar. And didn't Tiwai cut production 10% right after that meeting?
DAVID: Well, they probably want to see some action. But they will. I'll be down in the south island when Chief Tippiwa arrives.
ZEN: Chief Tippiwa?
DAVID: Yes, Native American Cherokee rain dance expert. You don't have a hot water bottle do you?
ZEN: Not on me, no. I think we can wrap up now though. Thank you for your time Mr Parker. Good luck tomorrow with your rain dance.
DAVID: Thanks. And as they say in Cherokee: Do-na-da-go-hv (Goodbye).
Slightly Related Link: Drought? No cause for alarm
-------------------------------
Footnote: I'd love to put up a picture of a classic Native American Chief in full feathered headpiece, but decided that would be disrespectful. Instead, I'll provide a link to a web page outlining Cherokee Language and History. Also, as far as I know, Chief Tippiwa is a fictitious name.
[SATIRE]
DAVID: Good morning. O-si-yo.
ZEN: O-si-yo?
DAVID: Yes, that's hello in Cherokee.
ZEN: Oh, good. Hello. Nice feather hat by the way. I didn't see it at first, we've had to turn the lights down.
DAVID: Thanks. Haaahe. That's hello in Cheyenne.
ZEN: Well, that's all very interesting, but do we have an energy crisis?
DAVID: Absolutely not. There is no reason whatsoever to worry. Can you turn the heater on, by the way? It's a little cold.
ZEN: Sure. Anyway, Tiwai Smelter have cut production in May by 5% and then last week by 10% to save 66 megawatts. Surely, they see a problem looming?
DAVID: Well, they are merely being precautionary. I've meet with them and disclosed the governments full plans to ensure adequate power. I can only presume they were not convinced, but you'd have to ask them.
ZEN: And what are the governments plans? Looking at the last nine years, we've seen an abysmal failure to invest in infrastructure. You've banned gas powered base stations, stopped hydro projects, we've got coal base stations off-line, major breakdowns and no rain. So what are the plans?
DAVID: Have you heard of silver nitrate and silver iodides?
ZEN: Cloud seeding with toxic chemicals then?
DAVID: Not that toxic. Not if we use a little bit.
ZEN: A little?
DAVID: 50,000 tonnes perhaps.
ZEN: That sounds like a lot.
DAVID: Well, a little bit at a time.
ZEN: And that's the plan?
DAVID: You could try praying. Pray for rain. We were thinking of an advertising campaign "Pray for rain" using the leaders fund. Being an election year though, money for non-election purposes is going to be a bit tight. We might get DOC to fund it.
ZEN: How about a picture of Helen on it? And "Pray for Reign", as in "her majesty". Two for one deal on that. Might not be seen as election advertising either. Monarchs aren't elected.
DAVID: Yes, not a bad idea. I'll run that past Mike Williams and see if it will fly.
ZEN: And that's the sum of your ideas then?
DAVID: Of course not. We have a backup plan. The one I outlined to Tiwai. Not that there is any need for a backup plan. Is that heater on full?
ZEN: Just one bar. And didn't Tiwai cut production 10% right after that meeting?
DAVID: Well, they probably want to see some action. But they will. I'll be down in the south island when Chief Tippiwa arrives.
ZEN: Chief Tippiwa?
DAVID: Yes, Native American Cherokee rain dance expert. You don't have a hot water bottle do you?
ZEN: Not on me, no. I think we can wrap up now though. Thank you for your time Mr Parker. Good luck tomorrow with your rain dance.
DAVID: Thanks. And as they say in Cherokee: Do-na-da-go-hv (Goodbye).
Slightly Related Link: Drought? No cause for alarm
-------------------------------
Footnote: I'd love to put up a picture of a classic Native American Chief in full feathered headpiece, but decided that would be disrespectful. Instead, I'll provide a link to a web page outlining Cherokee Language and History. Also, as far as I know, Chief Tippiwa is a fictitious name.
Heh...I see Komrade Klarke's socialist Utopia is a tad uncomfortable at the moment. We probably aren't far behind you here in Australia. But hey, what's uncontrollable shivering and $1.60 a litre for petrol when you're doing your bit for the planet?
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