Scientists have finally computed the effects of peak oil, global warming, global dimming, CFCs, CFL's, sunspots, the French Nuclear Testing, the population explosions, chicken flu, SARS, AIDS, drinking too much, second hand smoke, mobile phones, fast food, imperialism, the Exxon Valdez oil spill and the creation of excess yogurt tubs.
The data conclusively shows the world will end the day after yesterday. Around lunchtime. Possibly earlier if an additional 6.3 million pottles of yogurt are eaten for breakfast.
They acknowledged that there is a very small chance they could be wrong, by up to 6 hours (GMT) but thought on the strength of their scientific model and the full and total endorsement of the Greens party on the analysis of their published papers, that another research grant for $3.5 million dollars would undoubtedly lead to a breakthrough device to save the planet within 5 years.
Meanwhile a French team were close to announcing a break though vaccination that would resolve the looming environmental crisis.
A spokesman for the Association of Renowned Scientists For Ever Hoping Overseas and Local Environments Survive (ARSEHOLES) said the studies were all pretty much moot, as Asteroid RU1-2 was scheduled to hit the Earths atmosphere later this week. Probably. They cautioned citizens not to panic too early.
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Something I wrote on my old blog in response to the never ending variations of death and destruction scenarios used daily to justify radical action. I guess if you keep at it, one day you'll be right. Although, ironically, some of the consequences of implementing the suggested actions might just be the thing that pushes us over the edge?
And here's a really good example of this: A Species Threatened
The data conclusively shows the world will end the day after yesterday. Around lunchtime. Possibly earlier if an additional 6.3 million pottles of yogurt are eaten for breakfast.
They acknowledged that there is a very small chance they could be wrong, by up to 6 hours (GMT) but thought on the strength of their scientific model and the full and total endorsement of the Greens party on the analysis of their published papers, that another research grant for $3.5 million dollars would undoubtedly lead to a breakthrough device to save the planet within 5 years.
Meanwhile a French team were close to announcing a break though vaccination that would resolve the looming environmental crisis.
A spokesman for the Association of Renowned Scientists For Ever Hoping Overseas and Local Environments Survive (ARSEHOLES) said the studies were all pretty much moot, as Asteroid RU1-2 was scheduled to hit the Earths atmosphere later this week. Probably. They cautioned citizens not to panic too early.
---------------------------
Something I wrote on my old blog in response to the never ending variations of death and destruction scenarios used daily to justify radical action. I guess if you keep at it, one day you'll be right. Although, ironically, some of the consequences of implementing the suggested actions might just be the thing that pushes us over the edge?
And here's a really good example of this: A Species Threatened
"Association of Renowned Scientists For Ever Hoping Overseas and Local Environments Survive (ARSEHOLES)"
ReplyDeleteLOL Love it. You know Zen if you take out that last bit, i honestly think that some lefties/greenies would actually take that on.