Friday, April 13, 2007

ZenTiger Leaving No Commissioner Behind

The NZ Government today signed off sponsorship for a $30 million dollar NGO titled the CFC. The Commission for Commissioners is charged with maintaining the well being of all people serving as Commissioners in this country. The Director of this newly funded organisation, Dr Zen Tiger, said:
"New Zealand has taken a major step forward in human rights by ensuring advocacy for Commissioners. It is a fact that some Commissioners do not have the same advantages as others, but this is not always obvious. Therefore, I have launched a plan that will ensure EVERY commissioner has a lifetime plan, with life time monitoring."
Dr Zen Tiger was quick to thank Dr Cindy Kiro, the Children's Commissioner for the inspiration.
"Dr Kiro was indeed instrumental in establishing this program. On one level, here was a Commissioner that was crying out for support. On another level, her moves to track EVERY child in a database, to interview EVERY child at key points in their lives was simply brilliant. I realised that Commissioners themselves needed this kind of support too. A quick word to Helen, who grasped the Human Rights issue immediately, and I suddenly had $30 million dollars and a staff of 100"
Dr Zen Tiger then used Dr Kiro as the role model for all Commissioners that would have what Dr Zen called "TE ARA TUKUTUKU NGA WHANAUNGATANGA O NGA TAMARIKI: WEAVING PATHWAYS TO WELLBEING – AN INTEGRATED FRAMEWORK FOR COMMISSIONERS AND THEIR FAMILIES". Dr Zen explained the program thus:
It is simply about ensuring we look after our own. Commissioners are the responsibility of the State. They are part of the political community. These are not people with free will. They have obligations. They have hopes and dreams, and these dreams can impact on the entire country. You have to ask yourself: What if these people turn out to be bitter and twisted? What if they turned out to be a raving loony in a position of power? What if it were THEIR OWN FRIENDS AND FAMILY that made them like this?

Then naturally, I thought of Dr Kiro. Her recent behaviour suddenly made sense. A national database for EVERY child? It really was just a cry for attention. It was obvious that, as a Commissioner, she was feeling very exposed, very vulnerable.

Sure she has family and friends, but that is nothing. What she needed was to be interviewed and entered into a State Database to gain a true sense of wellbeing.

My especially trained Commissioner-Analysts will interview Cindy throughout key stages of her career. We will note the people that try to influence her, or those that shape her thoughts. We will note her relationships. Check to ensure she has had all the vaccinations available to her, especially the ones that may stop unwanted pregnancies in Commissioners, so they get more of their productive working life.

Now Cindy might say she doesn't need to be monitored or interviewed constantly. She might claim that she has a good support group. But she would say that wouldn't she? She probably doesn't want to be a burden. But Dr Kiro, more than anyone, should realise we need to treat EVERY COMMISSIONER THE SAME.

As it happens, Dr Kiro comes from a pretty disadvantaged group of Commissioners. She is reliant on government funding, and many people brand her a meddling socialist despotic authoritarian. A Commissioner falling into that sub-group is one that needs special monitoring. Thus, we are pleased to announce that we will first review all of her policy decisions by experts appointed by myself. At the first sign of trouble we will whisk her away for treatment.

And Dr Kiro needn't worry. All her information - her psych profile, her personal details, her menstruation cycle, the date she first had sex, whatever her husband and boyfriends are up to, all of that information will finally be available to any related organisation one a "just in case" basis.

Still, we acknowledge that "Sharing of information will require trust, shared ownership and commitment, with careful attention to privacy considerations and concerns." And I can assure every-one that all of the people that will have access to this database are trusted. Any who betray that trust shall truly disappoint me. I would issue a press release and say "I am truly disappointed".

Now this framework that we monitor Dr Kiro and fellow Commissioners in will be a plan that is "Commissioner Centred, Family Focused and Strengths based". Once we decide what her plan is, it will be "owned" by Dr Kiro, held by her husband or boyfriend, and "using strengths based approaches in a community development paradigm". I mean, you can't make it any better than that!

We hasten to assure Dr Kiro that "the framework allows for early identification of additional needs, which may be met within universal services, and early intervention in the life of a problem where necessary".

So, she can be assured we will intervene whenever we deem it necessary. Like the case of the 12 year old girl that managed to get pregnant, see a health care worker, have an abortion, and never have to tell her parents. Wonderful stuff. So, should Dr Kiro get into any trouble as a Commissioner, we'll whisk her off for a lobotomy without scaring the family. I daresay such an action will be an improvement. Certainly, it should stop the rabid look in her eyes whenever she thinks of a national database.

At this point I wish to assure all Commissioners, and in particular Dr Kiro, that "where statutory interventions or specialist intervention are required the integrated service delivery will continue, co-ordinated by a practitioner with statutory or professional responsibility to take the lead professional role."

That nice sound-bite simply means that the CFC has legal power to intervene, or we can get a specialist to intervene if we are hampered from continuing with our integrated service delivery. Thus, if we decide Dr Kiro's parents, husband/boyfriend is tainting the inherent bias we expect of many Commissioners, we should be able to step in and remove Dr Kiro from undue influences. Personally, those religious types get me worried. Preaching love and tolerance - really, what kind of value system is that if it is mandated by an authority higher than the state? Scary stuff. There is no power higher than the state. And this new plan will leave no Commissioner behind.
Related Link: Dr Kiro's Master Plan

2 comment(s):

MrTips said...

Egads, you stick around long enough and you learn to speak like them eh?

Cactus Kate said...

Fabulous.

Hands up if there isn't a commission that represents your interests ye?

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