Sunday, September 30, 2007

ZenTiger 40 reasons not to be a French Psychiatrist

A French Psychiatrist came up with a book covering 40 reasons for not having children. I discuss this here: A mother of a psychiatrist. But first, here are my 40 reasons not to be a French Psychiatrist:

01 The desire for socialism: A false aspiration.
02 Childbirth may be torture, but you look back on it fondly in comparison to what follows.
03 The fact that breasts may actually serve a purpose becomes a scary thought.
04 Amusing yourself is seen as the major accomplishment in life.
05 Food doesn't taste as good unless served by old people.
06 You wonder why, even without children, you still lose your friends.
07 You believe the only way to communicate with children is by going "coo-coo"
08 All children after the first apparently do not require sex.
09 You think having children destroys a relationship
10 You think having children destroys a relationship and still can't figure out an alternative reason.
11 To be or to make: As a left winger, you don't understand consequences of choices you make and are unable to take responsibility for your actions.
12 Children react to you as if they were a kind of vicious dwarf.
13 You end up a bitter and twisted lonely non-conformist. Like that's a good thing.
14 The amount of therapy you require will be too expensive.
15 You have an unreasonable fear of an economic system in which the means of production are privately owned and controlled.
16 You actively work to elect a government that will destroy your time and your freedom, now that you don't have children to distract you.
17 You will visit more displays of Belgian surrealism and yet labour under the delusion that you have not exposed yourself to the worst drudgery conceivable.
18 Living alone, you can entertain the thought you are the ideal person.
19 You will inevitably be disappointed by your partner.
20 You believe only childless people are well-adjusted people.
21 Something more important than me - no thanks.
22 Your tombstone reads "She spent more time at the office. But it was a big office"
23 You wish you'd been placed in an orphanage in order to have a cruelty free upbringing.
24 You realise your entire attitude was nothing more than acting as an overgrown child
25 You watch Wall Street three times a week for Gordon Gekko to validate your personal ideology.
26 A child will kill the fond memories of your childhood.
27 You will not be able to prevent yourself from wanting your child to be happy (although as a French Psychiatrist, you will come close).
28 Child care is a set of impossible dilemmas: 12 hours at daycare or hire a nanny?
29 School: another socialist failure.
30 With more French Psychiatrists in the world, what kind of future?
31 Flee from the benevolent blandness.
32 Parenting will make you soft. It is important, as a socialist to avoid getting in touch with your humanity.
33 Motherhood is a trap for women. Especially the happy ones.
34 To be a mother, or to succeed: You must choose. Just don't choose "successful mother"
35 When the child appears, the father disappears and Freud materializes.
36 The child of today must be a perfect child: to cope with French Psychiatrist mothers.
37 Your child will be in constant danger from pedophiles and pornographers. If you abandon them in public toilets.
38 As a committed socialist, why face up to the fact that your taxes will contribute to a future of unemployment and social exclusion?
39 You need to face up to the fact there are too many French psychiatrists in the world.
40 Your children can be as bad as they like, and you will always get the blame now you've printed this book.

Hat tip: Listening to the insane

Source: 40 reasons not to be a French Psychiatrist

2 comment(s):

Andrei said...

That didn't take long.

I guess your kids aren't viscous dwarfs.

Mine aren't either and we are going out for dinner where hopefully they will be moderately well behaved if not a little noisy.

Doubtless we will be discussing the paintings of Rene Magritte in sneering tones.

Unknown said...

I can give you 40 reasons not to be French and that only covers soap, snails, cheese, garlic and white flags.

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