Tuesday, April 30, 2013

ZenTiger Dead for Tax Purposes

The dead have a pretty cushy life. For starters, they don't work (I'm generalizing) and they don't pay tax.

According to many, the dead still get to vote, they don't have to pay local body rates, and they seem immune to CPI increases in food. The more I look into it, the more it makes sense to be dead, well, at least for tax purposes.

There is precedent of course. Hotblack Desiato, guitar keyboard player of the rock group Disaster Area was dead for tax purposes, and relied on a death-support system to keep him that way. Many famous entertainers (Gerard Depardieu, Pink Floyd, The Two Ronnies) move overseas and as far as their home country is concerned, are dead for tax purposes.

Now some people might counter that being dead has downsides. For example, whilst they often receive benefits for years after the actual event of the death, they are not entitled to collect benefits. Does the legislation actually specify the condition of being alive in order to receive benefits though?

Being dead for tax purposes would mean I no longer have to pay income tax.

Perhaps the only barrier to being dead for tax purposes would be the suggestion that my legal state should match up with the physical state. Now here's where I disagree. We see examples in society where words that once had clear meaning are "evolving" and becoming far more encompassing. Far more flexible and responsive to changing values. Far more just and inclusive. I don't see why a person should be denied the right to physical life if they are dead for tax purposes, and I don't see why dead people should be treated differently.

There are clear signs that I may have support for this idea. Just look at the euthanasia movement. People are absolutely desperate for the "right to die". Having won that right to die, I imagine many of those people don't actually want some-one to come around that week and polish them off though. No, I quite well expect that they will continue to ponce about being completely alive but bragging about their right to die 'any time they so choose'.

Is it so far fetched then to suggest we all have a right to declare ourselves dead, if we feel that way? (Or is being dead a genetic disposition. Most people eventually turn dead, so it might be something to do with genetics) Surely, it's time the government recognised that being dead is as much a state of mind as it is a state of being, and it is really pure discrimination to suggest otherwise. Mortophobes.

I can see a problem with the marriage act though. I suspect people (living or dead) are not yet allowed to marry dead people, even if they both love each other and are prepared to spend the rest of their death together. I think we'd need to update the marriage act to ensure dead people are not unduly discriminated against. Here's hoping Maurice Williamson has nothing against two loving corpses, and is prepared to support it, even if he hasn't tried it. Or am I getting confused? Does he only support things he has tried?

We'd also potentially strike a problem with the Employment Act. I hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised to find institutional discrimination against dead people. Surely, the ability to hire dead people is a private matter between the employer and the employee? Assuming a dead person is qualified and passes the drug tests the matter should end there.

Although I'd expect a discount on ACC for workplace accidents resulting in death. But perhaps being dead for tax purposes wouldn't necessarily negate the need for life insurance? In exchange for continuance of the premiums, the life assurance company would probably be quite relieved at not having to pay out on the event of a declaration of death caused by taxes. It wouldn't take them long to insert the words "payment of insured value on actual physical death, not tax-purposes death". Perhaps there is a new market for death insurance, where a person might decide to reverse their status and come back into the world of the living. Might be handy to have some cover there just in case there are unpaid fines and so forth that might be applied to a recently undeceased person.

Now the only problem I see in all this is the tax office might move quickly to extend taxation to include dead people. They can be fairly evil in that regard, and it wouldn't surprise me to learn they have been pushing this policy for years. It is said the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. It was understood the former was always the silver lining for escaping the latter.  It's the unsaid expectation that if you cannot have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, you are at least entitled to tax free death. Yes indeed, I think the Bill of Rights needs an update to ensure governments cannot overstep their bounds in this regard.

It's a matter of rights.

1 comment(s):

JJ said...

Well done sir, that's good satire

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