Tuesday, April 7, 2009

ZenTiger Rear Admiral of NZ Post

In a surprise move following the electoral court martial of 2008, Pirate Cullen has not been forced to walk the plank, but instead been appointed Rear Admiral of NZ Post by "Lost at Sea" Captain Long John Silver Key*.

This moved has stunned many National Loyalists who have spent nine long years hunting the terror of the high tax seize, Pirate Cullen, flyer of the Jolly Rogerer.

It was widely expected Pirate Cullen would be summarily executed, thrown overboard or left on the back benches of a banana republic somewhere in the south pacific. Just not New Zealand.

Furthermore, billions in gold doubloons Cullen carried off and buried in a sea sea (and other places) only to vanish have reportedly lead Long John Don Key to issue a treasure map where KiwiBank marks the spot.

How that has fallen into Cullen's hands no-one is quite sure, but skull-duggery cannot be ruled out. Others suggest his natural pirating skills may yet be used for good, and appointing him Captain Bligh on the good ship Bounty is going to be just swell.

So what job exactly does a Rear Admiral of NZ Post do? Apart of collect huge amounts of money to subsidize KiwiBank, some mates speculate that Pirate Cullen will have to lick as many as 30,000 stamps a day to help bolster flagging postal deliveries.

Ah matey, what picture can we put on a 50 cent stamp that a Rear Admiral might lick?

Maybe we should ask Long John Silver Key?

*I'm not yet sure how much influence John Key has on this, but I'll go with the flow.

Barnsley Bill: He takes a licking and keeps on ticking

Adam Smith: Blogosphere Explodes (Experts suspect a mix of fertilizer and Cullen)

Homepaddock: Chickens come home to roost actually a big cock-up

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