Saturday, December 5, 2009

Fletch A Climate Change Fairytale...

The following is satire only, and any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Names have been changed (slightly) to protect the innocent (and guilty)

What ho, boys and girls! Fletcho-McBrain here; welcome to another episode of Fairytale Theatre!

It was a cold, grey day in Copenhagen and heavy snow was drifting from the sky as leaders, scientists and other various personages gathered for their summit in an effort to contain runaway global warming. The first day had been rather long and somewhat boring as introductions and speeches were made, nametags pinned (‘Hello – My Name Is ROHN KEY’), and propaganda handed out in expensive looking folders with artwork designed by 'Heroes' conceptual artist Jim Sale that showed the Earth ablaze, dolphins expiring in boiling seas, and people running for their lives. It was somewhat overdone (in a way that only a comic-book artist can achieve) but people needed to be spurred into action by any means. The packs also contained a cheesy pen, that when you tilted it made a representation of a thermometer inside slide up to temperatures of ominous levels and water levels rise.


Toward late afternoon the heating broke and delegates shivered in their overcoats and expensive leather gloves as they pored over their dossiers on warming. Phil Johnes and some of his other buddies, bored with the proceedings, started passing notes to one another - they had a practical joke planned for that night that might liven things up a little; they even corralled some of the politicians to help them.

Late that night, when everyone was asleep, they crept out of their rooms and into the hallway. Smashing the safety glass on the fire alarm and setting the alarm ringing, Phil, Al Gorebull and his buddies set off down the hallway yelling, ‘fire! fire!’ as loud as they could.
What a kerfuffle! Mick Mann had even found a hockey stick that he banged on doors with to roust people from their beds (he had found it in a closet earlier in the day – it was quite old and bumpy but he had managed to sand it smooth).

All the exits were blocked by huge snow drifts from one of the biggest storms in the century, so that folks, scared for their lives, were smashing the windows and preparing to leap!

Just when all seemed total panic, the word went up that the whole thing had been a hoax. The fire alarm was turned off, but, what was this?! People still believed there was a fire and were preparing to leap from the windows! (Politicians, it is well known, are quite gullible and easy to fool). Someone even found the notes that Phil and his buddies had been passing around at the conference planning their little joke and showed them around, but most seemed not to want to believe them.

Rohn Key and Rick Smith, the delegates from New Zealand, were some of the first to the windows and planned to jump. ‘Come on Rick!’, said Key. ‘We’ve got to show everyone that even if we’re only from a small country, we can lead the way!’. ‘Not before me!’, cried Lucy Loveless leading her band of lemmings. ‘There is no Hotel B!’, she cried as she leapt to her death, ululating all the way down. (It is even more well known that Hollywood actors are even more gullible and easier to fool that politicians).

To Be Continued?

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