Anthropogenic Geo-Political Warming

Anthropogenic Geo-Political Warming (AGW)

Political Scientists today confirmed the human race risks extinction due to the uncontrolled increase of AGW, more commonly known as Anthropogenic Geo-Political Warming, pointing to the disappearance of the Cold War due to unprecedented man-made political activity.

Skeptics have pointed out that it may be economics, and not politics that moved us out of a Cold War. Politics may be a by-product of human activity, and not a causal factor. Political expression, they argue, doesn’t automatically require establishment of a world government and new taxes.

The United Nations has called for the establishment of a world government and new taxes to combat man-made Geo-Political Warming. UN Spokesman for the Geo-Political Environment puts the blame squarely on Western Democratic principles. Western Democracies have long since exhibited an excess of freedom and therefore a disproportional output in political discourse, which is said to be behind this dangerous increase in political activity.

The American EPA (Environmental Political Agency) has defined freedom as a pollutant, and suggests it needs to be curbed through taxes and some form of "freedom trading scheme".

Indeed, leftists blame the entire right wing for AGW, who should just shut up and agree with them in order to avoid dangerous geo-political warming. A new tax system is recommended to discourage excessive political discourse.

NZ MP for the political environment, Nick Smith immediately announced a Political Emissions Trading Scheme (PETS) which set new taxes on political blogs, talk-back radio, letters to the editor, Fox News and a shadowy group of people known as “the chattering classes”.

The PETS scheme includes a surcharge on comments made on blogs. This has been widely seen as an attack on the right, as left wing blogs don’t generate comments, other than frequent back-slapping or long boring diatribes attacking right wing bloggers for not being as condescending as the left wing intelligentsia.

Blogs such as No Right Turn have taken the higher moral ground by turning comments completely off to minimise Political Warming. “If people stopped reading my posts, that would probably get the pollution quotient down further” advised Idiot/Savant, with some good advice for those that cared deeply about the health of the political environment.

The Green Party argued that taxing the right wing blogosphere was too little, too late. Instead they have initiated “Political Hour”, where once a year citizens promise to only talk about how they are content to let government run their lives to keep political emissions to a minimum.

“Free speech isn’t an inexhaustible resource to be squandered” thundered an angry Green commenter on Kiwiblog. “And you right wing bastards are wasting it”. In response, David Farrar immediately published 5 new posts attracting 6,230 comments on mainly political issues, but did include a story on visiting nude Swedish cyclists (with photos), which had nothing to do with political warming, no matter how hot they seemed. However, The Standard immediately countered with over 30 posts arguing that the close up photos of Ingrid and Olga contributed greatly to political warming as they tacitly endorsed John Key’s bike track policy.

The Green Party pointed out third world countries, such as Afghanistan and North Korea, were to be lauded for their extraordinary efforts to cap freedom emissions, and Green MP Keith Locke suggested American politics was the cause of middle-eastern political pollution, and indeed the leading cause of political emissions world-wide.

“Whilst suicide bombing is a political statement, we think there is ample scope to consider it purely a religious statement, thus exempting Al Qaeda from any requirement to reduce their impact on the political landscape” explained Keith Locke, who argued that American presence in Afghanistan was generating far too much politics for his liking. “We can rely on the Taleban media to keep us abreast of any human rights violations in these countries, and respond by boycotting the purchase of those nice Persian rugs we get at carpet warehouse clearance sales.” Mr Locke was ambivalent on the political implications of heroin and other drugs coming out of Afghanistan.

There is some worry that Russia will contribute to excess political warming after moving away from the solid communist doctrines espoused by Lenin, and so well put into practice by Stalin. However, Putin has increasingly adopted a more authoritarian stance to ensure any signs of political warming can be constrained to Siberian gulags, which the NZ PETS scheme will pay for.

In a last minute concession to the VRWC, Key has announced a “moonbat” tax surcharge based on the self-satisfied smugness that pervades a typical progressive blog post. Key promised to review the tax if any progressive blog was found to have a sensible idea that actually worked in the real world. [e.g] “Although I doubt it, because we’ve tried most of their policies and they don’t seem to be working” added Key, who later conceded that ignoring an 88% vote in a referendum was a progressive idea that worked fairly well.

“The world is now at a major crossroad” said UN General-Secretary Ban Ki Moon. Either it instigates strong governmental controls to implement taxes that place a cost on freedom and other forms of political pollution threatening to undermine the natural stability provided by a world government, or we perish. And you don’t need to know or understand what the decision means for you personally, because the evidence is clear – we know best.

Every-one knows what an idiot Ronald Reagan was, and his part in hastening the end of the Cold War and thus accelerating Anthropogenic Geo-Political Warming or AGW, so I will leave you with a quote from him as an obvious warning should you buy into these dangerous right wing ideas: "Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.".

--ZenTiger