Wednesday, January 19, 2011

ZenTiger A couple of years race by

Boy Racers. Mostly annoying and often dangerous, but I say that in largely stereotypical fashion, because the species is wide and varied.

A couple of years on Judith Collins is reporting the success of her car crushing policy. At first glance, an 18% decrease seems to be a success. It depends how we define success though. I'm sure Stalin often had great reports on how the population was behaving themselves following 20 years of incentivising good behaviour.

We shouldn't crow too loudly on how easy it is to solve complex social issues, because for 8 cents and a pine box per problem, we could be publishing PowerPoint Graphs that the department of Statistics would simply gush over.

On the other hand, the policy seems to have a whole pile of caveats and exceptions, with the smell of hundreds of extra hours of valuable court time and piles of extra tax dollars spent to make sure we don't actually crush a car if it's going to cause extreme hardship, such as (in this day and age) hurt feelings.

So far no boy racer, nor boy racer car, have been crushed, but unlike smacking, it's legal to carry through on the threat.

Anyway, here's my take on Boy Racers back about 2 years ago (rehashed just below). Whaddya recokon?

Boy Racers

Mr and Mrs Smith returned home after a weekend away to find their house crushed. Previously, a charming three bedroom and study bungalow with carport, it has become a 3 metre by 4 metre compressed block.

"Frankly, we are stunned" said Andrew Smith. We had no idea our teenage son had organised a party in our absence. Apparently things got out of hand, the police were called and made the decision to crush the house. The thing is, without a house, we can't even ground him."

Neighbours were quick to confirm the party was totally out of control. Old Mrs Beezle from number 66 talked of how wild parties had been going on for years, with nothing being done about it. "For the last 15 years or so, always, around the end of January two balloons were hung out on the letter box, and you just knew it was going to be a noisy night."

"And you can't believe the parents didn't know what their kids were up to, they used to organise these parties. It was their house they were using, you can't tell me the keys were somewhere safe - I bet they were left lying around on purpose."

Mr and Mrs Smith are the first parents to experience the government's tough new laws to curb wild parties. Civil Rights groups have cautiously welcomed the law, explaining that police have been helpless for years to enforce noise control, parking violations, broken glass and the odd punch up that so often accompanies such events.

"House crushing sends a message that other law infringements will not be taken lightly, even if we ourselves take them lightly. Until now, there has been no effective way to deal with assaults, speeding, loud music and dangerous driving."

Following the crushing Police were investigating number 42 on the same street. Whilst there was no party going on at the time, it was likely the house was being used as "a party house".

Explained Constable Broad: "A very nice deck extension has been added at some time, with a large BBQ grill and spit in a bricked enclave at the end of the garden. Ranch sliders open the lounge to provide good indoor-outdoor flow, and the presence of a high quality 8 speaker sound system makes it clear that this house is being used for more than just sleeping and preparing food."

"We'll be keeping an eye on this one" he added reassuringly.

The anti-party brigade who have campaigned long and vigorously for these draconian changes have planned a celebration tonight at some-one else's home.

Be there or be square.


And Redbaiter has an interesting take on this: Cultural Marxism in the National Party - How can this be??

1 comment(s):

MK said...


Nice one Zen.

We have those same laws out here, i still remember the previous labour premier announcing it to the media, thumping his chest and flexing his muscles, tough new laws, be warned, zero tolerance, justice, yak-yak-yak.

So far i haven't heard of a single car being crushed or a pimply-faced ratbag weeping hysterically as his fully-sic rice burner is turned into a lunch tin.

Needless to say the aforementioned politician is long gone, along with his fat yearly pension.

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