Skip to main content

Crime doesn't pay [Upgraded]

With a title like "Crime Doesn't Pay", the picky folk out there will no doubt abuse me for telling porkies.

To be fair, I probably am hyping the point a little with a wild accusation like that for a blog title. Any sane person in NZ would of course argue that crime does pay, and it can pay quite well. An example?
Owen Thor Walker, 18, known by his online name "AKILL," was involved in a network accused of infiltrating 1.3 million computers around the world and skimming millions of dollars from victims' bank accounts.

Walker earlier pleaded guilty to two charges of accessing a computer for dishonest purposes, two charges of accessing computer systems without authorization, one of damaging or interfering with computer systems and one of possessing software for committing crime.
The Judge let him off. Scott Free. The Police would quite like to give him a job too. And no doubt anyone with a leaked or stolen emails are probably wondering just what it takes to get the legal system interested in actually solving and punishing crime, let alone the victims of scams and hacked computers.

It sends a message doesn't it? One that should not be opened, and shredded with the nearest spam filter you can lay your hands on. Maybe its a virus? Let's reboot the legal system, start it up in safe mode and start some serious diagnostics.

But I digress. You see, I've figured out just how Thor (aka AKILL) got away with it. I hacked into his criminal file, and there on a microdot, attached to a RFID tag, with a totally compromised SAML two phase token, was this little bit of pseudo code I nearly missed. Brilliant.

> //open source rocks. no warranty. void where prohibited.

> var depositaccount=$1; //type currency
> var caught_in_act=false; //type boolean

> .. depositaccount = depositaccount+1
> .. TRANSFERBALANCE(MySwissAccount)

> CALL WHEELS_OF_JUSTICE(caught_in_act)

> IF caught_in_act = true
> .. IF Country='NZ' THEN
> .. . FREE Scott()
> .. ELSE //any other country in the world
> .. . suspect:=defendant
> .. . status:=guilty
> .. . punishment:=max(long_jail_term())
> .. . TOAST(suspect, status, punishment)
> .. ENDIF

> IF doing_time > 0 and country='NZ' THEN
> .. SCAM(startover)
> .. REPENT()


Related Link: Teen Hacker Let Off with a medal, a job, a formal apology from the police commissioner, national hero status and possibly a huge ACC payout for stress

You can thank the DIM POST for a nerdy joke that in turn sparked this nerdy post. (Yes, I've deliberately tried to make it human readable, not code real. Sheesh guys)

UPGRADE: PM of NZ forks the code and shows how Winston is not with the program. Hilarious and well worth a look. NZ First and Labour are looking decidedly un-user friendly.


  1. Yep, it's all more than a little bit wet/trite/silly/f***ing ridiculous ... & the supercilious grin on the little nerd says it all ... crime & punishment, aha.

  2. To nit-pick a little,

    "Justice Judith Potter ordered Walker to pay $9526 as his half share of the damage caused to the university computer and other costs of $5000."

  3. Well, he had to pay $14,526! That blows my post to smithereens.

    Hang on, what about this:

    Police said Walker did not take money from people's bank accounts himself, but that software he designed was used by criminals around the world who paid him less than NZ$40,000 (US$30,600).

    Sounds like he still had change. I accept your valid use of nitpicking :-), but I think my point still stands.

  4. And the 10 year old girl who downloaded a single mp3 on limewire gets fined $1,000,000 serves 10 years in Juvenile Detention and ends up addicted to crack and selling herself in a back alley.

  5. Yes indeed Universal. It seems that the law can sway far to much in the other direction too.

    I don't know what happened to the scales of justice, but whoever keeps them in balance is blind.


Post a Comment

Please be respectful. Foul language and personal attacks may get your comment deleted without warning. Contact us if your comment doesn't appear - the spam filter may have grabbed it.