A good article by Eve Tushnet at The American Conservative on marriage and how the biggest threat to it today is the fear of divorce. Focusing too much on the scapegoats for family breakdown, we don't spend enough time building up marriage itself.
If America has endured a “divorce revolution” since California passed no-fault divorce in 1969, we’ve now entered the counterrevolutionary phase. Divorce rates have fallen from their peak in the early ’80s, the deep pain often felt by children of divorce is openly acknowledged, and young Americans typically express both fear and a moral horror at divorce. They are determined not to repeat the mistakes of previous generations; avoiding divorce is a constant anxiety, even obsession.Go and read the rest ~ Divorce Dilemma ~ The American Conservative
But as with most purely reactionary cultural movements, the revolt against divorce has been much better at targeting what it rejects than figuring out what it’s for. In a strange, sad twist, the divorce counterrevolution has only weakened our marriage culture more.
Would you believe that the groom in this post of mine returned home from work to find the locks on his house had been changed and he was no longer welcome?
ReplyDeleteTwo months - that is all. But the foolish fellow cohabited with his bride for several years before the big day and she feels entitled to half his worldly wealth.
The lawyers are going to have a field day.
Is it any wonder that my boy and his contemporaries are not even thinking about marrying and raising families - it is not on their horizons. Marriage has nothing to offer them
WE are in really really serious trouble here
Hi Andrei,
ReplyDeleteYour story doesn't surprise me. Having cohabited before marriage myself, I know that the switch to marriage requires a massive shift in thinking that both spouses most likely are not ready for because they haven't been setting that up before marriage. Maybe the marriage was a test - to see if vows would "fix" certain issues they had?
Personally, I think all young people need to be warned against cohabitation. My generation wasn't. But also they need to be helped in their thinking before they find someone to love. Boys need courage and faith in this day and age to be able to marry successfully, or at least cope if it all turns to custard.
You don't just tell people to get married though - it needs to be a more attractive deal for young men like me (20) so that actually we want to get married.
ReplyDeleteRisk of divorce and PITA feminist western women - living with someone like that for the rest of my life dosen't sound very appealing. Would rather have no children at all then have them growing up in a broken or miserable mariage.
-HA
Surely, a long courtship would determine the likelihood of your arse becoming wounded?
ReplyDelete