In a stunning blow for human rights, a gay man has been forced to become straight.
"This is an abuse of my human rights" said Nigel Ipswitch as the court ordered he engage in marital sex with the women he was forced to marry, Susan Gladbottom.
It all started when Susan met Nigel at a party, and a strong friendship developed.
"We had so many shared interests, and Nigel was very attentive to my thoughts and feelings. One thing led to another, and love developed. I asked him if feelings were shared, and he said yes, absolutely. He then explained that we could never be anything more than friends, because he was gay."
"Well, I wasn't prepared to take no for an answer, so I checked gay lobby groups and asked if people were allowed to discriminate on the basis of sex, and they said absolutely not. It was clear that the ONLY reason Nigel could come up with for not marrying me was that I wasn't male."
"They built an entire legal case around discrimination on the basis of sex before I had a chance to tell them the full situation."
"I did try to explain. I mentioned that my issue was also about not being able to marry a gay person, and they may have interpreted this as a gay marriage issue, which it was, but not to another gay person. They doubled the legal resources at my disposal, using every trick in the book to argue their case, adding discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation to the suit, and pushing the legislation on the issue of gay marriage."
"Nigel, bless his heart, didn't have a chance. Have you ever tried to fight a legal suit from the gay lobby? His behaviour was exposed as blatantly discriminatory. Consequently, by the time we went to court it was too late for them to refute their own arguments, and the judge ruled in favour of our marriage and the requirement for Nigel to fulfill his nuptial duties."
"I am very comfortable marrying a gay person, but Nigel seems to have had some trouble accepting marrying a straight person, such is the extent of his heterophobic thought. The court suggested he receive counseling for his discriminatory tendencies. As part of his therapy, every night I ask him "Nigel, who would you turn straight for" and he has to say 'why you, my dear'."
Isn't anti-discrimination law wonderful?
Related to:
Texan law mandates "gender re-education"
If you commit violence against some-one, you commit a crime and deserve to be punished. No issue there. However, do you need to be "re-educated" specifically against homophobia, or simply taught about anger management and unacceptable violence against people, for any reason? This speaks to my above post.
Christian photographer sued by lesbians
Should people have the right to choose their customers? Remember the Invercargill cafe that wanted the Israeli (Jewish) women out of the cafe? His right, and his consequences.
There are a bunch of other examples that could fuel this debate - maybe I'll dig them up if this conversation takes off.
In the meantime, any gifts you care to send to Susan and Nigel in celebration of this happy event, forward to "Nigel and Susan Ipswitch-Gaybottom c/- ZenTiger, New Zealand Conservative.
"This is an abuse of my human rights" said Nigel Ipswitch as the court ordered he engage in marital sex with the women he was forced to marry, Susan Gladbottom.
It all started when Susan met Nigel at a party, and a strong friendship developed.
"We had so many shared interests, and Nigel was very attentive to my thoughts and feelings. One thing led to another, and love developed. I asked him if feelings were shared, and he said yes, absolutely. He then explained that we could never be anything more than friends, because he was gay."
"Well, I wasn't prepared to take no for an answer, so I checked gay lobby groups and asked if people were allowed to discriminate on the basis of sex, and they said absolutely not. It was clear that the ONLY reason Nigel could come up with for not marrying me was that I wasn't male."
"They built an entire legal case around discrimination on the basis of sex before I had a chance to tell them the full situation."
"I did try to explain. I mentioned that my issue was also about not being able to marry a gay person, and they may have interpreted this as a gay marriage issue, which it was, but not to another gay person. They doubled the legal resources at my disposal, using every trick in the book to argue their case, adding discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation to the suit, and pushing the legislation on the issue of gay marriage."
"Nigel, bless his heart, didn't have a chance. Have you ever tried to fight a legal suit from the gay lobby? His behaviour was exposed as blatantly discriminatory. Consequently, by the time we went to court it was too late for them to refute their own arguments, and the judge ruled in favour of our marriage and the requirement for Nigel to fulfill his nuptial duties."
"I am very comfortable marrying a gay person, but Nigel seems to have had some trouble accepting marrying a straight person, such is the extent of his heterophobic thought. The court suggested he receive counseling for his discriminatory tendencies. As part of his therapy, every night I ask him "Nigel, who would you turn straight for" and he has to say 'why you, my dear'."
Isn't anti-discrimination law wonderful?
Related to:
Texan law mandates "gender re-education"
If you commit violence against some-one, you commit a crime and deserve to be punished. No issue there. However, do you need to be "re-educated" specifically against homophobia, or simply taught about anger management and unacceptable violence against people, for any reason? This speaks to my above post.
Christian photographer sued by lesbians
Should people have the right to choose their customers? Remember the Invercargill cafe that wanted the Israeli (Jewish) women out of the cafe? His right, and his consequences.
There are a bunch of other examples that could fuel this debate - maybe I'll dig them up if this conversation takes off.
In the meantime, any gifts you care to send to Susan and Nigel in celebration of this happy event, forward to "Nigel and Susan Ipswitch-Gaybottom c/- ZenTiger, New Zealand Conservative.
Good thing you folks have conservative government now Zen, otherwise i fear you would have been languishing in a jail cell somewhere for even daring to entertain such thoughts, satire or not.
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