Environmentalist Teresa Green has today sued her parents for causing global warming by giving her life.
"I'm the third child of four, and it's quite clear that not stopping at one child is the root cause of global warming. Quite frankly, I should never have been born, and it's their fault."
"Indeed, my mother was the second of three, and she should never have been born either, so I've taken the hard step of suing my grandparents also, on my mother's behalf."
Given that my grandparents are dead, is no reason to desist. Although the fact they died in a tragic car accident before their seventy second year counts favourably for them, as they have helped to reduce the average life expectancy of the population."
In determining the amount of the law suit, I had to take into account that the eldest child should naturally receive 100% of the three million dollar inheritance they left for their children, and I'll be suing myself for my share of the inheritance, which I should never have received.
"Because I only deal with first borns, it took some time to find a suitable lawyer. But I found one who was also prepared to give up his first born son for a 50% share of the proceeeds. That's the kind of committment I think we all need to bring to this issue. He's really impressed me, actually. I want to marry him and have his baby."
Related Link: Green Abortion [Warning, you did notice the satire tag did you not? Unfortunately, the link post is NOT satire]
"I'm the third child of four, and it's quite clear that not stopping at one child is the root cause of global warming. Quite frankly, I should never have been born, and it's their fault."
"Indeed, my mother was the second of three, and she should never have been born either, so I've taken the hard step of suing my grandparents also, on my mother's behalf."
Given that my grandparents are dead, is no reason to desist. Although the fact they died in a tragic car accident before their seventy second year counts favourably for them, as they have helped to reduce the average life expectancy of the population."
In determining the amount of the law suit, I had to take into account that the eldest child should naturally receive 100% of the three million dollar inheritance they left for their children, and I'll be suing myself for my share of the inheritance, which I should never have received.
"Because I only deal with first borns, it took some time to find a suitable lawyer. But I found one who was also prepared to give up his first born son for a 50% share of the proceeeds. That's the kind of committment I think we all need to bring to this issue. He's really impressed me, actually. I want to marry him and have his baby."
Related Link: Green Abortion [Warning, you did notice the satire tag did you not? Unfortunately, the link post is NOT satire]
Funnily enough, my wife claims to know someone by that name.
ReplyDeleteTis a bit hard to tell the difference between satire and reality in this day and age. Some crackpot is going to do this sooner or later.
For a second there i thought you were for real Zen. Glad to hear this is just satire now. But i think we all know, that sooner or later the green scum will do this.
ReplyDeleteBut i doubt very much they'll sue their parents for themselves. They might be closet-commies and loath the human race, but they certainly love themselves quite a lot.
Otherwise they'd be heading for the nearest cliff for gaia, won't they.