The story so far:
0600 to 0659
Iranian Police arrest an American Citizen, Roxana Saberi, and charge her of the serious crime of being a journalist without a press pass.
0700 to 0759
Obama notified. Suggests a pet dog might help defuse the situation.
0800 to 0859
Iranian Courts add new charges - Roxana Saberi is actually an American Spy. The whereabouts of Jennifer Garner become a matter of National Security as the story is checked.
0900 to 0959
Obama addresses people of Turkey. "We are not at War with Islam." He authorises project "Allah Akbar" to rescue hostages of Somali Coast to demonstrate superior military strength. This has no effect on Iranian Judges who find Saberi guilty.
1000 to 1059
Obama responds with awe inspiring speech of appeasement: "We are not at war with Iran" said Obama. "Therefore, even though the evidence has never been published, the trial was held in secret and her father claims she was tricked into making a false confession, I have no reason to doubt the Iranian authorities."
"I am further assured of the validity of their claims because I offered 50 nuclear bombs in exchange for our spy, which they politely declined - proving they are not in any way interested in gaining nuclear technology. Or that they already have enough. One or the other. If only we had a spy in there, we would know for sure."
1100 to 1159
Obama announces rescue mission imminent. Asks the media to report only in English, to ensure the plans remain secret. Hillary Clinton heads the task force and explains: "It is all dependent upon Jack Bauer's availability, and if he could work a bit faster. No disrespect to Jack, but we were hoping for a 3 hour turnaround, and he takes up to 24. He is used to working with a black President though, so he's definitely a good choice."
1200 to 1259
Obama feels certain he is making good progress in negotiations. "I've closed Gitmo, announced America is not a Christian Nation, and talked at length about my Islamic connections."
1300 to 1359
An anti-American parade goes ahead in Tehran. Students chant 'Death to Obama'. Obama receives Homeland Security report indicating students are probably just right wing extremists, or worse, Republicans.
1400 to 1459
Obama, having exhausted all diplomatic efforts, bar agreeing that the holocaust never happened finally relents to calling in Jack Bauer. He goes on National TV.
"We are sending in Jack Bauer. And if for some reason Jack Bauer fails, or the series ends on a cliff hanger and continues next season, I want to make one thing clear. This is an American in an Iranian prison. We cannot forget. We cannot rest. We must ensure we have the will and resolve to do whatever it takes to rescue um, Ms. um, whoever, until all options have been exhausted, and then, and only then, will I fully capitulate."
"And that's a change you can count on."
Will Jack Bauer and Project "PBUH (Peace Be Upon Him)" get the green light?
To be continued
Related Link: Spy Captured and Obama Helpless
Hat tip via MacDoctor: The real test
0600 to 0659
Iranian Police arrest an American Citizen, Roxana Saberi, and charge her of the serious crime of being a journalist without a press pass.
0700 to 0759
Obama notified. Suggests a pet dog might help defuse the situation.
0800 to 0859
Iranian Courts add new charges - Roxana Saberi is actually an American Spy. The whereabouts of Jennifer Garner become a matter of National Security as the story is checked.
0900 to 0959
Obama addresses people of Turkey. "We are not at War with Islam." He authorises project "Allah Akbar" to rescue hostages of Somali Coast to demonstrate superior military strength. This has no effect on Iranian Judges who find Saberi guilty.
1000 to 1059
Obama responds with awe inspiring speech of appeasement: "We are not at war with Iran" said Obama. "Therefore, even though the evidence has never been published, the trial was held in secret and her father claims she was tricked into making a false confession, I have no reason to doubt the Iranian authorities."
"I am further assured of the validity of their claims because I offered 50 nuclear bombs in exchange for our spy, which they politely declined - proving they are not in any way interested in gaining nuclear technology. Or that they already have enough. One or the other. If only we had a spy in there, we would know for sure."
1100 to 1159
Obama announces rescue mission imminent. Asks the media to report only in English, to ensure the plans remain secret. Hillary Clinton heads the task force and explains: "It is all dependent upon Jack Bauer's availability, and if he could work a bit faster. No disrespect to Jack, but we were hoping for a 3 hour turnaround, and he takes up to 24. He is used to working with a black President though, so he's definitely a good choice."
1200 to 1259
Obama feels certain he is making good progress in negotiations. "I've closed Gitmo, announced America is not a Christian Nation, and talked at length about my Islamic connections."
1300 to 1359
An anti-American parade goes ahead in Tehran. Students chant 'Death to Obama'. Obama receives Homeland Security report indicating students are probably just right wing extremists, or worse, Republicans.
1400 to 1459
Obama, having exhausted all diplomatic efforts, bar agreeing that the holocaust never happened finally relents to calling in Jack Bauer. He goes on National TV.
"We are sending in Jack Bauer. And if for some reason Jack Bauer fails, or the series ends on a cliff hanger and continues next season, I want to make one thing clear. This is an American in an Iranian prison. We cannot forget. We cannot rest. We must ensure we have the will and resolve to do whatever it takes to rescue um, Ms. um, whoever, until all options have been exhausted, and then, and only then, will I fully capitulate."
"And that's a change you can count on."
Will Jack Bauer and Project "PBUH (Peace Be Upon Him)" get the green light?
To be continued
Related Link: Spy Captured and Obama Helpless
Hat tip via MacDoctor: The real test
Sending in Jack Bauer? Finally! Something sensible from Obama!
ReplyDelete(I'm going to be disappointed, aren't I?)