Tuesday, August 18, 2009

ZenTiger The Crime Exchange

Police have backtracked on a decision to stop issuing information on drink-drivers because of privacy.

What? Who are they kidding? Now that they've committed a crime in public, don't they realise Paula Bennett is going to publish all their private data anyway?

It's certainly angered Police Minister Judith Collins who hit out at police: "Drink-drivers are potential killers and they should be treated as such"

I don't think she was suggesting police therefore publish their potential names. Indeed, as far as Judith Collins is concerned all New Zealanders are potential criminals, and perhaps we should be treated as such? That certainly explains the thinking behind the anti-smacking laws.

I've read the "name and shame" lists from time to time, and always failed to recognise a name. Not only do I have few friends, obviously they are either master criminals that can escape detection, or living saints. None, it seems, are able to meet the criteria of the name and shame lists.

So I figured we need to make these lists far more interesting. There's no shame to be had with the protection of anonymity from large populations shielding real scrutiny, so we need to get these names out in the lime light. Thus my new idea: Exploiting the Crime Market.

I suggest we set up the equivalent of the Stock Exchange - The Crime Exchange. The stock are criminals. Criminals are listed according to the list of court judgments for the day. Stocks are sorted into lists with relevant statistics: The stock's crime, the crime committed, the cost to the community, and the sentence.

We'd also have a running total tracking the stocks overall performance including number of convictions to date, total amount of fines, amount of fines outstanding, the write-offs, the amount of carnage they have caused, and just how many hours of community service they have failed to perform.

Now this would make things far more interesting. Throw in photos, blue chip performer list, and some "inside tips" from the police on the big movers and "name and shame" is moved to a whole new level.

With GPS enabled bracelets, we could have a Google Map overlay of where the top performers are at any given point of time. How handy when thinking about buying a house! How about flashing red when all those people on home detention are more than 5km from their TV? When this number hits 90% we know to lock the doors and windows and stay in for the night with a good DVD. Pedophiles show on the map as flashing blue lights. Oops, time to change schools.

Given share traders make money simply by predicting movements in stock, perhaps there's an investment angle? Why not allow citizens to invest in crimes, as they move on the Crime Share Index?

Insurance companies could offer changing premium rates by analyzing current stock movements.

Want to take a position on the effects of the anti-smacking law in 5 years time? Seeing CYFS persecute 100 families by over-reacting to reported smacking could make you a cool grand. Excellent.

Take an option on a speed camera setup near a pub. Purchase shares on its initial market launch and you could yield a 20% return.

Think microchips for cats will result in a 30% increase in Council fine revenue? Why not buy into that stock and watch your portfolio skyrocket?

If we want to name and shame our criminals, it has to be worth our while. A new Crime Exchange will publish up to date information on our criminals, and we will have all the right stats to tell them just how shamed they should be if we come across them doing the shopping when we know they are on home detention.

Even better, we all have an opportunity to make some money out of crime. Far safer than investing in the housing market. I heard crime will be exempt from a capital gains tax and death duties. Even the GST on shares will be rebateable if purchased through a trust.

The Crime Exchange - you know it makes sense.

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment

Please be respectful. Foul language and personal attacks may get your comment deleted without warning. Contact us if your comment doesn't appear - the spam filter may have grabbed it.