Sunday, January 17, 2010

ZenTiger Michael Laws - Natural Born Blogger

[The ongoing Name Suppression Debate]

Michael Laws is a natural born blogger without a blog. He's had to substitute hosting a radio talk back show, writing a column in the Sunday rag and lording it over the cities of Wanganui and Whanganui as their outspoken Mayor, but we know where his true calling lies.

As a natural born blogger, it would be fair to say he knows the beast well. He can think like them, order pizza like them, salivate over women like them and even smell like them, if it weren't for adhering to stringent Council Bylaws passed to keep the air freshener bill down after heated Council debates.

Thus he profiles us bloggers, nailing our anonymous hides to the wall, becoming instantly recognisable should we ever venture out of our darkened rooms to say, attend the annual Star Trek convention.
"Blog­gers” are opin­ion­ated losers who spend way too much time in dark­ened rooms. They have porn addic­tions, sta­ple microwave pizza to their bibs, are blub­bery and smell.

This pecu­liar purview has been har­boured ever since blog­ging became the online onanism. Which was the first day some idiot decided to anony­mously opine and imag­ined that peo­ple gave a continental.

I’m prob­a­bly still right. If I was to take a cross-section of blog­gers I’d wager that most don’t have a part­ner or a wardrobe, are in des­per­ate need of a stom­ach sta­ple and regard deodor­ant as the devil’s snare. They would also be exceed­ingly jeal­ous of each other: like lit­er­ary fic­tion writ­ers. Too many only chil­dren, I suspect.
If you blog, leave a comment on how close you come to the profile.

The funniest thing I thought about his article was when mentioning Cameron Slater's blog handle: he goes by the oddest of blog monikers – Whale Oil. He might have more appreciation for the moniker if he used the full name: Whale Oil Beef Hooked. But then again, it requires a certain pronunciation to be properly understood.

Laws suggests we bloggers are all jealous of Slater. I think Cameron is pretty much spot on when he replies:

The only peo­ple I have earned cen­sure and con­tempt from are pinkos, and even some of them are on my side, even if they just keep that qui­etly to them­selves, but the emails of sup­port and advice are enough to tell me that not all of the blo­gos­phere are against me, just my meth­ods.

In fact, I'll leave the rest of the detail to be discussed by Whale Oil himself: Whale Oil On Laws

Which is the response to: Laws on Whale Oil

6 comment(s):

MK said...

He's definitely got the leftist bloggers down to a tee. Though i'm sure they regard deodor­ant as a CIA-Mossad-Bushco mind control device, not the devil’s snare.

On a side note, i like the pic, that's usually what one feels like doing when you use a windows pc for any length of time.

PM of NZ said...

I hate pizza.

Ozy Mandias said...

Well I have a wife and a wardrobe and did over 250 hours of tri training last year so dont fit that part. I have two brothers and am not really a fan of pizza.

Laws is being a bit of a plonker on this topic. He is just as much a blogger as we are. He just has a different forum to spread his view around and gets paid to do it.

KG said...

Do we really care what Mr. Laws thinks? Indulging lazy generalizions such as that leads me to the conclusion that most mayors are sad little power freaks who can't keep their hands out of ratepayer's pockets...and have a vastly inflated idea of their own importance.

KG said...

"indulging in" that is. More coffee.
Besides, he left out beating the dog, strangling kittens and snorting coke. Not very observant, is he?

ZenTiger said...

He's pretty close with my profile:

I like pizza, and apart from my sister, I'm an only child. The only thing that stops me smelling are my daily showers, so I skate pretty close to the edge there.

As he said - I don't have a partner (I got married, and therefore I have a wife not a partner), although I have managed to acquire a wardrobe. It was built into the bedroom.

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