Sale must end

I have all these vouchers, passed down from generations, that are about to expire. Who would have thought the proviso "valid until the end of the Mayan calendar" would ever be a problem?

Anyone need a human sacrificial ceremony at half price?

Actually, what's worse is loyalty cards. For the most part, they infuriate me. The reason is quite simple. Every time I make a purchase at a shop which receives my regular custom, they ask if I have my loyalty card so that I get the discount I am entitled to. All fine and good until there were so many loyalty cards in my wallet, I could barely get the wallet in my pocket. So I stripped my wallet back to the bare essentials and loyalty cards went in a small purse that lives inside my laptop bag.

So now they never seem to be handy when I need them. So I miss out on earning those loyalty rewards, which rather than inspires loyalty, makes me feel the shop has deliberately engineered the system to make it difficult for me to prove I'm a regular customer.

The Woolworths One Card is the most annoying. If I don't have it with me on those rare occasions I shop there, then I have to avoid all the products that offer a few bucks off on condition that I have remembered my One Card. I mean why pay $15 for a bottle of wine knowing that if I had my One Card, I'd only have to pay $12? I'd rather buy another label. Bastards.

And the cheek of calling it a "One Card" when the average person might have dozens of these things. They were not first, and they are not the most important. If it was a real "one card" it would be linked to my cash card or credit card.

Some shops are wising up to the rudeness of treating their regular customers with such ill-considered manners. My video shop is one such enlightened vendor. Rather than demanding their specific identification card to prove my identity, I can simply quote my phone number and key in a pin code. No card required, and their system identifies the total value of my business and offers the occasional thank you for such good custom.

The shops that are evolving their loyalty programs to reward customers without requiring a specific loyalty card to be carried with me at all times are the ones that will earn my loyalty.

All others, well I have some Mayan sacrificial vouchers that simply must be used or I miss out on a good discount.